Slight Changes to Ruin Things

There are countless untold stories, myriad ways to create and add to the human experience.  The wonder of existence knows no bounds and we should all probably spend our time learning and growing and helping.

That’s not happening here tonight.

Here now: Products that fail if their titles are expanded even slightly.

Way Too Sticky Notes

T.B.V.

Toilet Papier-Mache

Kitchen Sinkhole

Netflixed and Chilled Ham

Wine Hat Rack

Cell phone tower defense

Laundry Damper

Car Billiards Lane

Numb Lock

 

Sunday nights are getting weirder and weirder.  What even is chilled ham?

Thanks for reading!

 

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Time, Starts, and Old Originals

I love starting new projects.  There are hope and mystery and bountiful ideas when something new starts up.  There’s also a whole bunch of time that needs to be allocated to the fun stuff.  Time which could be spent say… writing new original content for a blog.

That will not happen tonight.  Nope. Instead, here is some year old original content for a blog!  But it keeps the theme of crazy starts.

Caution Lights

Rodney was no fan of rush hour traffic.  That was hardly a unique feeling, sure, but this morning’s column of trucks and sedans was a new level of annoyance.  When the red brakes lights in front of him turned to yellow caution lights and every single car ahead of his own started moving to the side of the road.

“There are no sirens, why are we moving?” Rodney said.  He followed the lead though and brought his station wagon to the roadside as well.

“Highway parking lots.  This friggin’ city,” he muttered.  “Why are you all getting out your cars?” Without thinking, he too stepped out of his car.

“7:30 in the morning and I’m learning I’m a lemming,” he said, closing the car door behind him.

“Hey!” He called to the driver in front of him, “any idea what’s going on?”

The driver pointed skyward.

Rodney followed the pointed finger to a disc floating above a hill.  It looked like nothing he had ever seen before; nothing in reality at any rate. He had seen similar machines in alien invasion movies.  This morning was not off to a great start.  He opened his car door, grabbed his phone and texted his boss that he was going to be late.

 

Thanks for reading!

Quotes from Famous Inanimate Objects

Quotes from famous inanimate objects:

“Ah! It’s dark in here!” – Mr. Rogers’ Sweater

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!” The baseballs of Major League.

“Would you change the station already?” – The t.v. from Poltergeist

“I can’t swim!” The Titanic necklace.

“Push me. Come on. Do it.” – Red Buttons everywhere.

“Ugh. That’s going to stain.” – Labcoats from ER.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Arrows, midflight, from any interpretation of Robin Hood

“Turn back kids! You don’t want to see this! Turn back!” – The railroad tracks from Stand By Me

“How’d I get here?” – Unexplained lighting movie scenes that logically should be pitch black.

“Retirement sucks.” – VHS tapes.

“I’m meant to be eaten, you psycho.” – Mashed Potatoes, Close Encounters of the Third Kind

“Weeeeeeeeeeee!” The lighter from Blues Brothers.

 

 

Thanks for reading!

Halloween, Grade Five.

Halloween my fifth grade year I went as a door.  I thought it would hilarious to knock on a stranger’s door and they open up to see yet another door!  It would have been door-ception (a term that did not exist Halloween of my fifth grade year, but would have been appropriate)!

I learned one big thing that year.  People knock on doors.

I had a giant sheet of cardboard with a Sharpie drawn door on the front, my fist set where a doorknob would be (so I could hold it up) and walked around basically being punched in the chest all night.

I kept wearing the cardboard though.  It hurt, but the joke was more fun than the pain was hurtful.

What was learned from such a weird experience at a young age? Doing dumb, painful things for the fun of it is always worthwhile.

And that’s how I came to participate in NaNoWriMo.

Happy writing everybody!

Answers from the Adviceroy

Dear Adviceroy,

I ran into a bit of a social quandary today and I know your winged knowledge can assist.  I am pretty sure my roommate used my toothbrush.  What’s the best way to bring up the subject and go about my gingivitis battling business?

Signed,
Brusher in Buffalo

Dear Brusher,

The easiest way to solve this issue is to collect five other toothbrushes, train them in five different martial arts fighting styles and decide upon a code word that will trigger them to form one giant, mightier (because teamwork) toothbrush that can battle away your roommate if push, neigh, if brush comes to shove.  Your mighty, transforming toothbrush team will work the problem out and you get to avoid a kind weird chat about how you found out the toothbrush was used erroneously.

Happy training!

Singed,
The Adviceroy

Do YOU have a question for the Adviceroy?  Well, the Adviceroy has answers for you.  Fill out the form below or click here to email the wee butterfly.

People on the Highway

People on the Highway in eBook format with a handful of book only stories is free 9/27 to 10/1! Get your copy here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VUE2OQS and be sure to check out my other Amazon stuff.

For work I travel between a couple of different locations every day.  This is fine, but the travel does take me through the epicenter of a town with nearly twice the population of my own.  This population increase amounts to 25,024% increase in traffic at any time of day.  The math is weird, but it’s there. The change in seasons has driven (ba dum tss) people absolutely mad this week.

One person really took the title of “totally deranged road warrior” this week though.

Today’s tale: Cookie Monster

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Cursed By Dice: Yanice the Lucky Gambler

Over at Cursed By Dice, we’ll be putting together some in-universe stories to help build the whole world around the White Snake and Scorpions references.  Head on over to http://cursedbydice.wordpress.com to see others and listen to the podcast.

Here’s the first bit of world building: Yanice the Lucky Gambler

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