Yarran, Wizard.

Yarran thought being a powerful wizard living in the heart of the big city would be a lot more amusing than the reality of the situation.  His days revolved around subway rides, finding the nearest outlet to plug his phone charger into and finding at least one restaurant line that did not have a hundred people queued up to order.  There was no pointy hat, cloak wearing battle against the sinister forces of evil that plagued his town.

None of the fun stuff the movies had promised.

There was one big perk that ensured his life was slightly better than that of an average mortal.  With a wave of his wand he could control and direct any number of pigeons.  His visits to parks were wildly amusing.

My Thumb, a Coffee Bag and a Lesson in Detail

I’m a bit of a coffee fan. Bean juice is my jam.  That phrase sounds pretty gross when not discussing music and I’m full of regret now.  When we are running low on coffee, it is essentially priority one to replenish stock.  Replenish stock means “get whatever is on sale because it is all bean juice anyway, so being picky is far from worthwhile.”

I made a run to the local grocery, perused the coffee aisle for sale items and pulled a bag of coffee from the rack to review it like so:

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(Thankfully not as) Common Conversations with my Toddler

Me, eating cheese and crackers as the children play: Good golly this is delicious.

Toddler, running to me as the word ‘delicious’ fills the air: Dad! Dad!

Me, speaking with my mouth full like a monster: Yeah, buddy?

Toddler: What are you doing?

Me: Eating a little snack.

Toddler: I’m playing.

Me, prepping another cracker and cheese miracle combo: Having loads of fun?

Toddler: Yeah. I’m going to have that one.

Toddler proceeds to take the cracker from my hand and runs back to playing.




Alie’s Big Discovery

Alie sat at a long table covered in a blue table cloth.  Beside her were scientists and professors all excited about her discovery.  In front of her, a bank of microphones from local and national news stations waited to catch her every word.  Lights were bright, the press pool was quiet.  It was Alie’s time to talk.

“Good afternoon,” the paleontologist started, “I’m Alie and I found a dinosaur.”

“Alie, what do you plan on calling the creature?” A reporter blurted out.

“I’m naming it after my car,” Alie replied.  “The creature, aged 130 millions years, will be called a Fordsaurus.”


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Useful Greeting Cards (For Bad Adulting)

When it comes to greeting cards, I’m pretty sure sympathy and birthday are leading types.  I’m not about to do market research, but if the Family Feud ever surveyed 100 people, put the top five responses on the board and had contestant guess the remaining three it would take a few rounds to fill the board.  To me, that means the market is wide open for more specialized occasions where one might not be able to come up with the right words.

Cards for occasions like… Continue reading

Harry’s Hot House

“Can we turn up the AC? It is wildly hot in here,” a house guest asked.  The house owner, Harry, had never seen, let alone met, the asker of the question before, but the request was placed.

Harry went into super-host mode.  He scrambled around, trying to make the environmental conditions just right.

He placed potted plants; ferns, vines and flowers he did not the origin of around the guest.  A humidifier was set up and turned on.  The sounds of birds chirping and frogs croaking soon played from a very obscure Spotify play list.

Finally, when all was ready, Harry turned to the guest and placed sunglasses over his own eyes and the guests’.

“Sorry,” Harry said, “we only have a swamp cooler.”

“I’ll show myself out,” the guest said.


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Cara’s Hobby

“Cara, what do you like to do for fun?” The leader of this team building activity asked.

“Oh, I don’t do too much,” Cara replied. She tried desperately to dodge the question that was so common in this type of event.

“Now, now, we’re all friends here. No judgement between colleagues,” the leader prompted.  Sarcastic laughs sounded in reply.

Cara sighed.  Better to answer than to drag out the moment, she thought.

“I spend my free time creating wooden signs and putting them throughout town. Parks, baseball fields, public spaces; you know,” she answered.

“Neat! What do the signs say?” The leader asked.

“Quicksand!” Cara replied.

“Oh. Neat.  Bryan, what do you do for fun?” The leader moved on.