Caution or Results

“We should be cautious.  Rushed decisions lead to disaster,” Myla cautioned.

“This isn’t like that weekend in Miami.  We’ll be fine,” Ryon said.

“Caution sent Dex home last time.  We need to make a choice and we need to make it now,” Chi said, bluntly.  He was tired of waiting.  Myla’s caution and Ryon’s inability to take a side had always back their progress.  Chi just wanted it over.  The day had been long and tiresome and the night ahead held no changes.

“Fine. Pepperoni and black olive.  Just place the order,” Myla hoped her choice was not too rushed.


Common Conversations with My Toddler

Toddler: Dad, are you scared of monsters?

Me: Certain monsters.

Toddler: Like Godzilla?

Me: More like anxiety, depression, cancer. They’re different types of monsters.

Toddler: Monsters like Godzilla?

Me: Just like Godzilla.

Toddler: ‘Cause I’m not scared of Godzilla.

Me; Oh.



Thanks for reading!


Headlines of Shadow Gulch’s Newspaper, The Local, from 2117

I’m a future thought sort of person.  The present is incredibly hard to live in and difficult to navigate but by golly six steps ahead makes total sense.

I also need better hobbies for Monday nights, but that’s an issue for a different time.  Better hobbies in general.

Here now. Headlines from 2117, as reported in the local newspaper The Local, the most highly circulated publication in Shadow Gulch.  Population 2,495.  3,495 in tourist season.


February 3: Mayor States “All is Well” Following Smoke Leak at Factory

March 18: St. Patrick’s Day Festival Pretty Routine, Very Warm

April 1: Sky Turns Weird Shade of Blue for Three Hours

April 7: Retraction: Trying To Revive Ancient April Fools Day Tradition was Poor Taste. Sky Regular Shade of Blue

April 15: Whoops! Sky Weird Blue Again

April 16: The Local Gets New Editor!

June 3: Weird Blue Shade Called ‘Indigo’

June 6: Sky Back to Standard Blue. Investigation Pending

July 12: Remember that Smoke Leak? It Was a Problem.

July 14: New Editor Was Government Mole or Spy or something. Take the Streets Citizens of Shadow Gulch!

July 15: Meet the New Staff at The Local

July 16: You Know Who’s Pretty Cool? The Hivemind of The Great Dyleiar Plant.

August 18: Hivemind Hosting Bake Sale This Weekend.

September 1: New Assimilates from Bake Sale Shout (In Unison) “We are Legion! We are Hivemind!”

September 19: Home and Garden Show A Hit! (Also; Hivemind Assimilating Neighboring Towns)

October 2: Hivemind Will Deliver News Directly to All Joined Brains For Foreseeable Future

December 18: Shadow Gulch Liberated From Hivemind of Dyleiar Plant. Town Not Sure How to Feel.

December 28: Factory Leaking Smoke Again and We’re All Cool With it.



Thanks for reading! I’m off to bed.

Slight Changes to Ruin Things

There are countless untold stories, myriad ways to create and add to the human experience.  The wonder of existence knows no bounds and we should all probably spend our time learning and growing and helping.

That’s not happening here tonight.

Here now: Products that fail if their titles are expanded even slightly.

Way Too Sticky Notes


Toilet Papier-Mache

Kitchen Sinkhole

Netflixed and Chilled Ham

Wine Hat Rack

Cell phone tower defense

Laundry Damper

Car Billiards Lane

Numb Lock


Sunday nights are getting weirder and weirder.  What even is chilled ham?

Thanks for reading!


The Garden Tour (In 100 Words)

“The hotel has taken an …unique approach to the gardens this year,” Elizabeth commented, trying to avoid being rude.

“This is really upsetting,” Carl did not consider the feelings of the nearby garden staff.

The two, enjoying a weekend away at a hotel recommended by friends and internet alike, stared at tall trees depicting scenes of ruined buildings, Orwellian propaganda, mushroom clouds, mutated humanoid creatures and other imagery of collapsed or dying societies.

“Perhaps I can explain,” said a smooth voice from behind the couple.  “We try to match pop-culture with our designs.  To keep hip, these here are distopiaries.”


Thanks for reading!
I’m sure the jokes been done before, but by golly, distopiary is a fun word.

Not So Intimidating Nicknames

“You shoulda’ paid up.” Notorious words from a notorious mobster who ignored the fact that there was a Great Depression going on.

“I just need another week,” pleaded a bad gambler.

“You’ve had four extra weeks.  Now it’s time you meet Joey ‘Tummy Possum’ Doogan.” The mobster threatened. From a dark corner of the room, Tummy Possum appeared.

“Wait, your frightening enforcer name is Tummy Opossum? Not even Skull Ferret or Jaw-lamander? I’d be good with being ended by a Stomach Squirrel,” the bad gambler was less than pleased with the situation.

“I make your abdomen do more than play dead,” Tummy Opossum threatened.

“Oh! That’s good. That’s intimidating.  Nicely done. I’m good with this now.  Let’s do it,” the gambler came to peace.

“You know what? Take a week.  You pull this off, you join my crew.  We need a Skull Ferret on board.”  The mobster said.



Thanks for reading!

Five Friends on a Bus

Five friends sat or stood on a bus.  The final leg of their journey home was nearly complete.  Their night had been long and full of stories they would one day tell their children to prove a former control of the concept of cool.  The stories would undoubtedly be shared to embarrass said children as well, but that goes without saying.

The bus was smelly.  Another passenger rode with a dog and another was going to ride until the driver said, “end of the line!”  The five young people had spent hours talking and shouting and sharing, so the bus was damaging every sense except hearing.  Silence filled the carriage and the group was left to their own thoughts.

One thought of pancakes.  One thought of their upcoming shift at a diner (a shift a mere four hours away due to poor planning).  One thought of a puppy seen on an SPCA website and had a deep desire to adopt the pup.  One figured out a potentially unbeatable strategy for their League of Legends character.  The last thought of Pluto’s demotion.  The other four had a hard time relating to the last member of the group, but the kid could talk about Pluto.

Not one thought of the experience they just shared.  Not one thought of another.  They had already moved on from the moment, knowing full well they would only summon the story of the night when they needed to upstage a competing tale at a party.  Not one knew they just had one of those ‘top five’ nights that would come to define them.

Five friends rode a bus home. Five friends lost within themselves nearly missed their final stop.



Thanks for reading!