To the Fine Patrons and Owners of Lucky’s Freeway Diner

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fountain-pen-1851096_640To the fine patrons and owners of Lucky’s Freeway Diner, creators of unique spins on diner classics like the “Mama’s Chicken Fried Steak” and “Stack-o-Cakes”, I am sorry.

From the moment I entered the establishment and loudly declared the smell of kitchen to be “totally fudgin’ amazeballs” I set a bad example of what a good patron sounds like.  To make matters worse, wearing my torn jeans and blood stained shirt left my visual aesthetic to be desired.

Let me tell you of the moments leading to my appearance in the entryway of the cozy little diner, as I feel some explanation will help explain my behavior.

You see, I’m not usually one for dramatic entrances.  But the hours leading up to my terrible behavior might help my pending court case. Continue reading

Wilbur Robs a Jewelry Store

Long, deep, loud breaths.  Wilbur could feel his heart race, pulse pounding in his ears.  All he could hear was rapidly pumping blood.

“That heist went south, Man.  How did they get there so fast?” Wilbur’s partner in crime asked.

“I don’t know. I just don’t know.  We got the jewels. We got the money. We’re going to be alright,” Wilbur explained.  He was hardly convinced his own words were true.  His spine pressed into a cold wall of red brick.  He didn’t know what street he and his partner had found refuge on, but he knew the buildings here were not going to hide them for long.

Sirens grew loud and soft again as squad cars moved down a nearby street.

“We have to move,” Wilbur told his partner. Continue reading

People on the Highway

With the book promotion (free book right here!) going on, I thought perhaps now is time to get back into the series that started it all.  Ah, nostalgia.

I took a new job about six months ago.  No longer working from home, I have taken to a regular commute.  I’m only on the road for thirty to forty minutes in the morning, but rejoining the commuter lifestyle has been incredibly odd.  That is in part because I am on the road at 5:00 in the morning.

5am is a totally different beast than 7am.

Most notably, car accidents are different at 5am.

Today’s tale: Dude, where’s my bumper? Continue reading

Need a mug?

I am a coffee person.  I tried once to abandon caffeine and discovered that self improvement is not a hobby I support.

I do support humorous, historically themed coffee mugs.  Society6 is currently holding a 15% off of everything sale.  You do have to click this link to get the sale applied to your purchase.  https://society6.com/shawnwritesstuff?promo=FPCFWZ37HRYV

Click, copy/paste, whatever you wish.  Cheap(er) funny mugs at waiting for you.  Sale ends February 12, 2017 at midnight Pacific Time.

A sampling of available designs (there are 12 total! Some even look nice!)

Capone Liquor

Continue reading

Must Haves: Camp Fire Stories

Friends circling a crackling camp fire under the stars.  Pretty amazing scenario.  It can get better though! Throwing out a scary story or two elevates the camping experience to campy experience in the blink of an eye.  Or telling of a tale as it were.

Camp fire stories of old focused on radio reports, mad men on the loose, murders that happened right. where. you. are sitting! ARGH!  Tough sell these type of stories.  First off, radio is dead. Mad men on the loose would be a twitter trending topic within minutes and if a murder happened where you’re sitting, Wikipedia would certainly know something about that.  I’m not saying the availability of information killed scary stories, it simply made them tougher.

Now the tale has to center around creating some sort of intrinsic, existential dread.  The sort of fear that makes people call in sick on Monday because they just don’t see the purpose of it anymore.  Oh yeah.  Now those are some good camp fire stories.  I’m not inviting on too many camping trips these days, thanks for asking.

Here now, must have topics for the modern camp fire story: Continue reading

Prompts

To help the ol’ content machine that is this blog (har, har), I keep a “topic starters” post to provide prompts for when I’m dead tired, completely not creative, and the “life’s journey” material is particularly middling.  This topics page is generally added to when I’m dead tired, feeling far from creative or had a particularly boring day.

I went to this little suggestion box this evening.  In a way, a topic presented itself.

The topic that caught my eye: Qwerty keyboards for ducks.

No idea what that means.

Today’s lessons: writing is a weird hobby. Sleep is wildly important.

In The Depths of the Sea

Champagne bottles popped open and cheers roared through the radio.  The mission was successful.

“You did it, Henri!” Shouted the mission commander, Captain Joann Vandenynas.

Henri had been dreaming of this moment since he could dream.  All his life he wanted to see the deepest reaches of the ocean.  He trained in engineering, marine biology, obscure mathematics, could recite word for word entire Cousteau documentaries; he was going to conquer the ocean.  Now that he sat in the most advanced submersible ship ever constructed, staring at a place of the earth no human had ever seen before, he allowed himself a smile.

“Wouldn’t be here with out, Jo,” Henri said.  Tear welled in his eyes.   Continue reading