Dane Leaves a Review

“Click to review the app,” Dane read the pop-up that covered his screen, “Sure. Why not?”

He pressed the button and his cherished app was replaced with a screen featuring more survey questions than he knew what to do with.

“Well, this doesn’t look right,” he muttered.  He paid himself no attention though and began to review the app for the sake of a bonus character.

“You stand at a railway watching a trolley car.  On the track lay five people. You stand next to a switch,” Dane slapped the arm of the couch. “Dang trolley car problem is inescapable!”

Alie’s Big Discovery

Alie sat at a long table covered in a blue table cloth.  Beside her were scientists and professors all excited about her discovery.  In front of her, a bank of microphones from local and national news stations waited to catch her every word.  Lights were bright, the press pool was quiet.  It was Alie’s time to talk.

“Good afternoon,” the paleontologist started, “I’m Alie and I found a dinosaur.”

“Alie, what do you plan on calling the creature?” A reporter blurted out.

“I’m naming it after my car,” Alie replied.  “The creature, aged 130 millions years, will be called a Fordsaurus.”

 

Thanks for reading!

Maurice’s Speech

“Oh, this is not going well,” Maurice mumbled.  His big speech on corporate synergy and streamlined manufacturing practices was bombing.  Bombing efficiently, but bombing nonetheless.

“Furthermore,” he said into the microphone, trying to regain his footing in a very literal sense.  He was leaning against the lectern and nearly fell.  “My research is showing a 10% improvement in production quality.”

He paused, realizing the room was full of at least 1000 men and women ‘business serious’ dress.   He gulped and continued.

“A 10% improvement in production quality thanks to this one simple trick!!”

Finally, after 15 minutes of failure, he click-baited the audience’s interest.

Wilson Closes the Shop

Night had fallen on Agate Street and all that remained was one lonely shop keep in a tiny store.

A broom was pushed over a dirty stone floor and young Wilson Gregor began to close his store for the day. “Whistling a song, whistling a song,” the clerk sang, as he could not whistle to save his life.

Suddenly, bells hanging at the store’s entry rang.

“I need a health potion! Something magical! Help!” A stranger shouted, running inside.

Wilson shook his head, “For the last time, this is a Radioshack.  The town only looks like a video game village.”

Bob and the Fallen Tree

 

“You have a problem, Bob.” Brad said.

The damage was extensive.  Bob covered his eyes with his hands in shame.  Brad and Betty reviewed the scene wondering what could be salvaged.

“I lost control,” Bob wept.

“Like you lost control after Baxter’s birthday bash? Or Barry’s barbecue?  I need you to schedule a meeting with Doctor Baldwin in the morning.  You keep doing this, we’re going to run out of trees.” Betty warned.

“We’re beavers! Beavers! We have to chomp trees! It’s in our blood!” Bob shouted.

“You’re chewing a tree right now, Bob. Stop it.” Brad was losing patience.

An Experiment

“Command, this is Station. Command do you copy?”

The big day had finally arrived.  The orbiting space station was coming into position and the experiment could commence.

“Station, this is Command.  We read you. Experiment can commence in,” Command began a countdown.

“We would like to take a moment to reflect on what is about to happen.  This is citizen driven science at its finest.  To the fourth graders of Mr. Golding’s class, thank you..” The shuttle pilot said to the world below.

“One.” The countdown ended.

“The shiny 2010 penny has left the station. Look out below, Houston!” Station warned.

 

From the Archives: Readying for Dinner

The weekend away continues.  I hope all you wonderful readers are having a good time this fine Saturday.  Having written this ahead of time, I hope I’m having a fine Saturday too.  This is a really weird note to my future self.  Future self! Don’t lick that frog.  It is a trap.  It is always a trap.

Here’s one from a year ago! A year.  Time is cruel.

Readying for Dinner

“Good evening.  In less than an hour, we’ll have dinner with our extended family. Extended family, that phrase has a new meaning tonight,” their father said.

“Oh, dad, please no,” the children pleaded.

“We will sit down for a dinner of spaghetti and sauce and our petty differences will divide us.  But know that we will sit down quietly throughout the night!  We will eat without a fight!  We’re going to eat and run!  Tonight, we celebrate Grandma’s birthday!”

“Do you have to do an Independence Day speech for every gathering?” The children asked.

“You know it! Let’s get going!”