Patch Notes

Your computer is up-to-date! Congratulations! Some notes on what has changed: Load times are better than load times found at grocery store point-of-sale machines You have a parachute with you at all times now. Don't ask how. Saying, "computer" will result in a robotic voice responding to you with launch codes. For what? Don't ask. … Continue reading Patch Notes


15,000 Feet Down

"We are fifteen thousand feet underwater right now. We can hear the ship creaking under the pressure. Things are absolutely terrifying. There's no light aside from that originating from the ship. I swear I saw a tentacle the size of my house just moments ago. Fish with sharp teeth and translucent skin keep zipping by … Continue reading 15,000 Feet Down

Expanding the Brand

"You need to expand your brand," the advisor said. "I don't know what that means," Post Henry answered. He thought the brand was doing okay. Diversified well enough and hitting niche audiences that proved quite lucrative. What in the world was the advisor thinking? "There's a new segment opening up that we feel you are … Continue reading Expanding the Brand

Writing Lessons From Bad Movies

I've never written anything good, so I feel completely in my element when discussing bad writing. I love bad writing that gets a lot of funding by way of a feature film. B-movies are my jam. There's a secret to making a good bad movie though and that's what I hope to discover one day. … Continue reading Writing Lessons From Bad Movies

The Perfect Commercial

I have no marketing experience. I have no experience in much of anything really, but that's not where this joke is heading. However, I am subjected to advertising.  Most of the ads I see these days have a skip button after five seconds.  If I am subjected to a full thirty-second product pitch I expect … Continue reading The Perfect Commercial

Junk Drawer List 2

There are some things in life that would be neat to see, but not exactly worth purposely seeking out.  Like, for example, playing basketball with a group of priests who were taking a smoke break (based on a true story!). That's a weird thing to occur. It's pretty fun, but not essential to the human … Continue reading Junk Drawer List 2