I had to drive through the center of a major metropolitan area this afternoon. The entire drive I clinched my teeth and white-knuckle gripped the steering wheel while trying to keep tabs on if 2nd or 3rd gear was the best option.
It was a rough drive. I feared it would be my last.
To pass the time, I enjoyed creating the likely epitaphs of those around me.
Writing is a dark hobby that none should pursue.
Here’s the result:
Ford Taurus Driver: Attempted to humidify and de-humidify the same room. Broke physics.
Ford F150 Driver: Picked the wrong side in the egg white debate.
Ford Fiesta Driver: Withered away during an unending Wikipedia dive.
Driver of Whatever Honda’s Tiny Sedan Model Is: Tailed a private eye. Inception occurred.
Hyundai Elantra Driver: Went to a library, things got hairy. Dragged away by Sasquatch.
FedEx Driver: Didn’t ask for help. The ceiling fan took him.
Minicooper Driver: Literally taken away by an eagle. Francine Worthy saw the whole thing and said it was totally wicked, but totally gnarly at the same time. True story.
Honda Element Driver: Put the batteries in wrong. Broke physics.
Nissan Versa Driver: Went through life without strife. Death was absolutely terrible though. Real icky stuff.
The guy on his bike on the highway for some dumb reason: Visited the Moon saying “be back soon!” He was a liar.
Bus Driver: Went While Watching Welch Whales Wail.
Dodge Ram: Eating breakfast, last tweet was #Hashbrowns.
Thanks for reading!
Some entertainment options you may enjoy:
Lunch Hour Characters (bad art, humorously captioned)