It was a Rough Drive

I had to drive through the center of a major metropolitan area this afternoon.  The entire drive I clinched my teeth and white-knuckle gripped the steering wheel while trying to keep tabs on if 2nd or 3rd gear was the best option.

It was a rough drive.  I feared it would be my last.

To pass the time, I enjoyed creating the likely epitaphs of those around me.

Via Giphy

Writing is a dark hobby that none should pursue.

Here’s the result:

Ford Taurus Driver: Attempted to humidify and de-humidify the same room.  Broke physics.

Ford F150 Driver: Picked the wrong side in the egg white debate.

Ford Fiesta Driver: Withered away during an unending Wikipedia dive.

Driver of Whatever Honda’s Tiny Sedan Model Is: Tailed a private eye.  Inception occurred.

Hyundai Elantra Driver: Went to a library, things got hairy.  Dragged away by Sasquatch.

FedEx Driver: Didn’t ask for help. The ceiling fan took him.

Minicooper Driver: Literally taken away by an eagle.  Francine Worthy saw the whole thing and said it was totally wicked, but totally gnarly at the same time.  True story.

Honda Element Driver: Put the batteries in wrong. Broke physics.

Nissan Versa Driver: Went through life without strife.  Death was absolutely terrible though. Real icky stuff.

The guy on his bike on the highway for some dumb reason: Visited the Moon saying “be back soon!” He was a liar.

Bus Driver: Went While Watching Welch Whales Wail.

Dodge Ram: Eating breakfast, last tweet was #Hashbrowns.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading!

Some entertainment options you may enjoy:

Cursed by Dice podcast

Lunch Hour Characters (bad art, humorously captioned)

Free books

$1 Books

Mugs

Perhaps buy me a coffee?

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Must Haves: Jobs

People can live a pretty long time.  Hobbies, interests, preferences, tastes, there are decades to define and redefine ourselves.  There are also decades to do a bunch of jobs.  I read recently that four jobs by age 34 is a pretty common thing (across generations too! Millennials don’t job hop any more than your generation did, Older Supervisor with Misplaced Anger). I’ll be 34 before long and have had three jobs that fit the ‘career’ definition since college.  There’s still time for one more!

Here now, jobs that must pursued in the next few years: Continue reading

I can call it quits now

My list of crowning life achievements goes a bit like this:

  1. Marrying my wife
  2. Kids join the family
  3. Educational achievement
  4. Someone found my website by searching “lame jokes at night”
  5. Made a really good taco that one time.

Talk about life goals, eh? Sure the search probably came from Bing and I don’t want to know the searcher on a personal level because of that, but now I know that if someone out there is (literally) searching for lame jokes at night this little website will be there for them.

Achievement unlocked. I’m going home.

Well.

I am home. Double achievement unlocks! It is a good day.

In the Summer

Summer. Days are long and hot.  Nights are short and hot.  Weeks are long and hot.  Months are short and hot.  Existence itself is short and hot and not in a good way.

I’m not particularly enjoying the summer…week? We’re a week into summer? Jimminy crickets.  My brain is melting.

Someone’s always gotta be the one-upper.

Continue reading

Driving by Cows

Every morning on my way to work I drive by a cow pasture.  Happy little cows fill the lot.  They jump and run and stare at each other with cold, empty eyes and generally seem to be having as good a time a cow in a fenced pasture can have.

Every morning on my way to work I watch these cows for a few seconds and ponder what they will see that day (aside from the cold, empty stare of their neighbor).

One morning this week I saw two cows fight.  They were knocking their heads together and one was trying to jumping to land better hits.  It was awful!  As I drive by I shout “knock it off!”

It was reflex.  I tried to parent cows this week.

Related news; I’m going to deep edit everything written this week for my next book and try to sleep this weekend!

Happy Friday every body!

Climbing the Stairway to Nopesvilles

Another birthday approaches and with that comes my annual tradition of self reflection.  It’s a practice that developed long ago and has yet to pay off, but still with the start of another year I like to ponder who I am and what brought me to this time and place.

This year, I’m reflecting on inexplicable neurosis that my children will one day discuss with their own therapists. Continue reading

Second Blog?

I’m addicted. So second blog it is!

Come on over to Lunch Hour Characters for bad art, silly captions and watch my slow decent into madness as characters come to life in the odd moments of downtime.

https://lunchhourcharacters.wordpress.com/

We’ll see how this single topic blog thing works out.  Experimentation is good.  With that mentality I think it becomes a science blog…

…no.

You could give my Facebook page a ‘like’ and technically be subscribed to both this site and Lunch Hour Characters all at once.  That’s efficiency.

Have a great weekend!