Two Truths and a Lie

Oran loathed ice breakers.

“Okay, gang, now let’s try for a fun one two truths and a lie!” The leader of this little workplace team builder event said.  For some reason the words received a round of applause.  Oran understood so little of the office he spent so much time with.  He tuned out as the rules were explained and the first few coworkers told blatant lies as truths.

Oran noticed his turn was quickly approaching.  He racked his brain for a lie.  He was no good at lying.  He pondered a soap pun for a moment, but bailed on the idea as too meta for the crowd.

“Oran, you’re turn! Try to stump us, ye the master of the purchasing department.” The leader said, pointing an open palm at Oran to somehow indicate it was his turn.

Nervous laughter started Oran’s speech.

“Well, let’s see here.  Two truth and a lie.  This is tougher than it seemed at first!  Okay, okay.  I grew up in Nebraska. I am the herald of the intergalactic emperor T’Li the Crusher of Weakness, bound to destroy all those who oppose his rule, and my favorite movie is West Side Story.”

Laughter erupted from the crowd.

“Well, that lie was pretty easy to spot! Thanks for showing us your poker face, Oran! Let’s move right along then.”

The excursion’s leader had skipped the rest of Oran’s turn entirely.  To this point, the vanguard of T’Li’s galactic army had been waffling on sparing Earth and it’s inhabitants from destruction.  This ice breaker event had sent his opinion moving in one very certain direction now.  He had never even seen Nebraska, and now his coworkers would not know such a tidbit.

 

 

Thanks for reading!

The Chopped Clove is Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience

Welcome one and all to The Chopped Clove. Today’s episode promises to be one of great smells, great colors, and most importantly, great food.  Let’s get cooking, what do you say?

Today we’ll be working on my spin of classic and personal favorite, lasagna.  Everyone has their own spin on this traditional dish, and I am no different.  First we start with our…our…oh golly. Continue reading

Family Photoshop

“Who’s ready for a photo shoot!” The excited photographer asked the young family of three just entering the studio.

“I think so,” answered Rhonda, “but I don’t quite understand the color scheme you requested.”

“Oh the green?  Don’t worry a thing about that.  This will be a creative journey for you all,” explained the photographer, already putting the family in their positions.

“We are going to pose in front of a green screen? That’s neat!” Davis, holding little baby June, said with excitement as he took his spot.

The photographer took position behind the camera, “Okay, family, all smiles!”

The aperture flew into action. The photographer took to photoshop and a began typing.

“Just one photo?” Rhonda whispered to Davis, “that’s a bit odd, right?”

“And we’re set! Who’s ready to see your family photo?” The photographer asked, jumping from the computer, “behold!”

Davis, Rhonda and the baby exchanged glances before Davis broke the uncomfortable silence.  “That is awesome! I’m a lightning bolt!”

 

 

 

Chuck at the Food Court

“You know, there use to be a graying tower alone on the sea? You guys ever hear of this?” Chuck heard the table behind him say.

He sat alone in a mall food court, eating pizza between shopping runs.  It was birthday season and he liked to get all his shopping done at once.  People watching was always nice too, but sometimes people left him questioning reality.  The conversation behind him had piqued his interest.

“There’s so much a man can tell you, so much he can say.  In particular, Mr. Ronald Riehns, historian of the Gray Tower that stands alone in the sea.” Another person at the table said. Continue reading

Quint’s Silent Steps

“My phone is still in there,”  Quint said, horrified.

Gwen stared, mimicking the new father’s face, “You. Did. Not.”

“I can save this.  In and out.” Quint was pretty sure of his ability to remain silent.

Gwen’s confidence in him was low, but that was attributable to lack of sleep and caffeine.  “You move like a ninja or you sleep on the couch. Understood?”

Quint nodded and opened the door.

~~~Literally 13 seconds later~~~

“That thing came out of nowhere!” Quint said, placing an ice pack on his knee.

“It’s the changing table, dear.” Gwen said.

The baby was wide awake.

Do Not Return to Sender

Elyah was angry in the way anyone feeling duped by a smooth talking salesman would feel.  He did not purchase a lemon vehicle or a ill fitting suit; indeed he purchased nothing at all.  He simply came into possession of an old book, leather bound and smelling of decades now resigned to history books.  Its pages were brittle and yellowed, but it promised adventure from page one.

The adventure was far from fun however and Elyah was intent on expressing his frustration with the previous owner of the book.

“Josiah, you’re a terrible person,” Elyah said tersely as he barged into Josiah’s room. Continue reading

Brunch Avoidance

“The meal will begin with a delightfully surprising appetizer of fried Brussels sprouts and bacon,” the waiter explained.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait up,” Terrance interuppted, “Brussles sprouts? Can I opt out?”

“Dude, it’s amazing.  Try it,” Terrance’s dining partner, Connor, said attempting to avoid a brunch debacle.

“Nah, man. Last time I had sprouts I dreamed of watching a Paul Simon concert from the second floor of an indoor mall.  Simon was wearing a Mercury 7 spacesuit and did the whole show break dancing with his acoustic guitar still in hand. I can’t go through that again. I can’t know what my mind is capable of creating.”

“We’ll skip right to the main attraction if you don’t mind,” Connor instructed the waiter.

“Understood,” the waiter hurriedly walked away.