Two Truths and a Lie

Oran loathed ice breakers.

“Okay, gang, now let’s try for a fun one two truths and a lie!” The leader of this little workplace team builder event said.  For some reason the words received a round of applause.  Oran understood so little of the office he spent so much time with.  He tuned out as the rules were explained and the first few coworkers told blatant lies as truths.

Oran noticed his turn was quickly approaching.  He racked his brain for a lie.  He was no good at lying.  He pondered a soap pun for a moment, but bailed on the idea as too meta for the crowd.

“Oran, you’re turn! Try to stump us, ye the master of the purchasing department.” The leader said, pointing an open palm at Oran to somehow indicate it was his turn.

Nervous laughter started Oran’s speech.

“Well, let’s see here.  Two truth and a lie.  This is tougher than it seemed at first!  Okay, okay.  I grew up in Nebraska. I am the herald of the intergalactic emperor T’Li the Crusher of Weakness, bound to destroy all those who oppose his rule, and my favorite movie is West Side Story.”

Laughter erupted from the crowd.

“Well, that lie was pretty easy to spot! Thanks for showing us your poker face, Oran! Let’s move right along then.”

The excursion’s leader had skipped the rest of Oran’s turn entirely.  To this point, the vanguard of T’Li’s galactic army had been waffling on sparing Earth and it’s inhabitants from destruction.  This ice breaker event had sent his opinion moving in one very certain direction now.  He had never even seen Nebraska, and now his coworkers would not know such a tidbit.

 

 

Thanks for reading!

A Compass Unused

“Sure, sure, okay.  I understand your anger.  You’re upset with good reason.  The lake I promised is nowhere in sight.  You may have noticed the humidity is actually going down with each and every step,” Caleb told the rather cross group of hikers before him.

“I certainly did notice!” One particularly displeased hiker replied.

“Confession time for ol’ Caleb.  I have no idea what this compass means.  So we’re going to walk around until someone hears a wave crash or big ol’ bird go ‘ka-kaw’ and make a splash.  Solid plan?” Caleb asked.

The hikers seized the compass and map.

The Chopped Clove is Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience

Welcome one and all to The Chopped Clove. Today’s episode promises to be one of great smells, great colors, and most importantly, great food.  Let’s get cooking, what do you say?

Today we’ll be working on my spin of classic and personal favorite, lasagna.  Everyone has their own spin on this traditional dish, and I am no different.  First we start with our…our…oh golly. Continue reading

Family Photoshop

“Who’s ready for a photo shoot!” The excited photographer asked the young family of three just entering the studio.

“I think so,” answered Rhonda, “but I don’t quite understand the color scheme you requested.”

“Oh the green?  Don’t worry a thing about that.  This will be a creative journey for you all,” explained the photographer, already putting the family in their positions.

“We are going to pose in front of a green screen? That’s neat!” Davis, holding little baby June, said with excitement as he took his spot.

The photographer took position behind the camera, “Okay, family, all smiles!”

The aperture flew into action. The photographer took to photoshop and a began typing.

“Just one photo?” Rhonda whispered to Davis, “that’s a bit odd, right?”

“And we’re set! Who’s ready to see your family photo?” The photographer asked, jumping from the computer, “behold!”

Davis, Rhonda and the baby exchanged glances before Davis broke the uncomfortable silence.  “That is awesome! I’m a lightning bolt!”

 

 

 

Working Titles

Planning. I’m not very good at it. I’m working on that though.  Starting right now!

Books I will one day write:

A knight retires to take a life of baking.  When the kingdom is threatened, he must take up arms once more and use his new skills in the kitchen to save the day.  Working title Honor Roll.

A shipping and logistics manager is looking for a new home.  Along the way, he learns a thing or two about life, love and true happiness.  Working title; Where House?

Terrance is a con man.  Hard rock, hard liquor, hard life; his motto.  He’s grown tired of the life though.  One last score and he can leave it all behind.  Working title Highway to Sell

A mad scientist, alone in a secluded forest just south of the Canadian border has created life.  His creation, part onion like plant, part bird, is reproducing out of control.  He has just a week to stop his creation before all is lost.  Working title Peak Leek Beak

A slapstick comedy featuring Erin and Aaron discovering new ways to make tunnels through mountains.  Nothing seems to go well or right, but the duo have a zany adventure and discover some truth along the way. Working title TNTeeHee.

 

I have some writing to do.

Thanks for reading!

Chuck at the Food Court

“You know, there use to be a graying tower alone on the sea? You guys ever hear of this?” Chuck heard the table behind him say.

He sat alone in a mall food court, eating pizza between shopping runs.  It was birthday season and he liked to get all his shopping done at once.  People watching was always nice too, but sometimes people left him questioning reality.  The conversation behind him had piqued his interest.

“There’s so much a man can tell you, so much he can say.  In particular, Mr. Ronald Riehns, historian of the Gray Tower that stands alone in the sea.” Another person at the table said. Continue reading

(Terrible) Advice From a (Completely Uninformed) Expert

Dear, Questions for Quinton,

I am having difficulty with a coworker who seems incapable of empathy.  I’ve missed a few days at work due to a family crisis and upon my return, the coworker, I’ll call her “Sam the Sea Monster of Horrid Person Bay,” slams a stack of printed emails onto my desk and howls at me, “your work load is too much for me to cover!”

I was stunned.  I was mourning the loss of a relative and Sam the Sea Monster of Horrid Person Bay took the time to print every email she was cc’d on during my time away just to prove a point.  Yes, my work load is too much for one person to take on in conjunction with their own (that’s why there are two of us!).

How can I show my coworker they are being incredibly too mean and need to be empathetic in this trying time?

Thank you for your insight,

Hurt in Huron.

Dear, Hurt in Huron,

First up; coming back from an extended time away from the office requires one thing upon return.  Re-establish dominance.  Start by Continue reading