Jerri Hit a Road Block

“Oh crap, folks.” Jerri the Fire Ant was displeased.  Her colony had marched for days across desert sands with little to no obstruction.  Now she stared down a green wall thirty times her size and seemingly impenetrable.  The colony would have to find another way.

“This puts an end to this path.  Let’s camp here for the night.  Send scouts to the north and south, see if this…thing has an end,” Jerri commanded.

“Commander, I have an idea,” Frank the Fire Ant spoke from the column.

“What is it, Frank?” Jerri was open to anything at this point. The column had to move.

“Step aside, sir,” Frank walked to the green wall and did what he did best; ate.  “Oh my goodness it is delicious.”

“Frank, you’re a disturbing genius.  Everyone! Eat!” Jerri ordered.


And that is how ants discovered salad.


Thanks for reading!

Books, bad art, and mugs available too.

Cassius and the Barn

The night had turned grim.  Cassius, bucked by his horse, was lost in a land far from home.  He knew but two things; first, the approaching storm brought with it a dire time for any caught outside. Second, the dot on the horizon appeared to be a barn.

He ran with all the speed he could muster and crashed through what remained of the barn door moments before hail began to fall from the sky.

“What fortune,” Cassius said, panting against the doorway. Continue reading

First Overnight

“Okay, if you need us call either cell.  Kids be good! Love you bye!” The drop off took two minutes before ‘mom and dad’ left the grandparents’ house and returned  to being Dan and Carol.  They hit 20 miles an hour before the end of the driveway.

“First overnight!” Dan cheered.  “I cannot believe how quiet this car can be.”

“Okay, we can hit the sushi place for a quick dinner.  Followed by the new brewery for lagers.  We’ll see how things are going at that point, and maybe catch a movie afterward,” Carol enthusiastically laid out the evening’s plan.

“Great stuff.  We do have to run home real quick,” Dan said.

“Fine, but it has to be quick.” Carol said.

Before they knew it, phone alarms were sounding.

“What the heck is that sound?” Dan said, shooting up from the couch.

“6:30?” Carol asked in horror.

“We slept the whole night away?”  Dan said, realizing the mistake.  “I call that a successful first overnight.”

Escaping the Island

The island was nice for the first year, a fine home the second year, and by the third year Janet had resigned herself to living on this uncharted piece of earth for the remainder of her days.  At the start of the forth year, 48 months after the cruise ship capsized,  48 months after a a turtle grabbed the broken door she was floating on and raced away from the scene; something changed.

The island could no longer be her home.  She missed Netflix and grocery stores, bar crawls and email.  To some degree she even missed her neighbors. Continue reading

Marty Made It

“Ah, it ain’t that bad,” Dan joked.  He proceeded to cough blood.  “At least you stopped the zombies. You saved us all.”

“It’s just you and me, Dan. We’re all that’s left,” Marty said.

Dan lay propped against a ram shackle chicken coop, knowing his final moments were upon him.  Marty knelt, weeping and shaking.

“Wait, wait. Seriously?” Dan asked.  He shimmied himself to be more upright and looked Marty right in the eyes.  “You’re going to be the sole survivor of this? Boy howdy, that’s terrible luck.”

“What?” Marty was confused. Continue reading

Rico and the Long Awaited Exciting Afternoon

Chores. Rico hated chores.  Errand running, groceries, laundry; the routine tasks that form the very foundation of the society he so enjoyed otherwise.  He hated them.  Every outing for electrical tape, every time he cleaned out the cat’s litter box, he wished for something exciting to happen.  Anything to make the time move a little faster.

Returning from a particularly bland run to the barber, he found himself standing at the entry way of his apartment complex checking every pocket on his person for keys.

“Drat,” Rico muttered as he patted down his pants and jacket.

“Rico!” Called the familiar voice of his neighbor, Jon.  “Rico, wait up.”

The relief Rico felt in having something out of the ordinary happen, finally, was delightful.  He ran a hand through his freshly cut hair and forgot for just a moment about his key problem.

“Jon! How are things, man?” Rico asked.  He extended a hand in anticipation of a high five.

Jon followed form, extending his hand as well, but Rico noticed something odd.

“What’s that in your ha-” Rico said.

His words were cut short by a blast of purple spray paint from Jon’s previously unknown object.  Three more sprays followed.

“Jon! What the heck, man?” Rico was furious.

“This Facebook post told me to tag my friends!” Jon said.

“Aw. Jon, you consider us friends? That’s awesome, buddy. Thanks.” Rico was oddly touched, if looking like a tropical fish.

“Well, Facebook friends anyway,” Jon clarified.

Trust Fall

“Jenkins!” Mr. Hopper shouted.

With a single word, Jenkins knew the command.  He stepped away from his coworkers and stepped to within arms’ reach of their increasingly grumpy boss.

“For this team building exercise, which I remind you is mandated by corporate and will only take a full six hours of productivity away from our team, you will trust me to catch you as you fall to the earth,” Mr. Hopper told Jenkins and the crowd.

Jenkins did not trust Mr. Hopper.  Mostly due to the mischievous smirk that crawled over Hopper’s face when he said, “as you fall to the earth.”

“Sir, does this have to happen right here? Can we move even ten feet that way?” Jenkins requested, pointing away from the pit immediately behind his boss.

“This is why they call it a trust fall, Jenkins.  Trust me, my leadership, and you have nothing to fear,” Hopper held his arms out to signal the fall would happen. Now.

Jenkins winced and readied to fall dozens of feet into a former quarry now over run, at the bottom at least, by grasses and plague carrying mice.

He was not disappointed.

In the distance he could hear Hopper describing the next team building activity.

“Crew, our goal is to work together to get that accountant free.  Who’s with me?”