The Ancient Tome

“So you’ve cracked the case, eh?” Doctor Lily Plant asked her research assistant.

“It took some work, but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” Susan “Sue” Lawyer replied.

The two moved their attention to an ancient text found in the tomb of a forgotten king of a forgotten kingdom.  The researchers tried n0t to focus on how an entire dynasty could be lost to time, and instead gaze upon the gorgeous calligraphy and art wrapped in hand tanned leather.

“What is it?” Dr. Plant asked.

“It appears to be knock knock jokes,” Lawyer explained.

“Nice,” Dr. Plant was very proud.

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Candles to Change Reality

 

“Our special candles promise to change your very reality,” the shop clerk explained.

Teri gave him a doubtful look, “change my reality?”

“Oh yes. Here. Pick a color,” the clerk prompted.

“Hunter green.”

“Consider it done. Take your mind to a clear place. Focus only on the sound of my voice and this very fine long neck lighter I am placing into your hand,” the clerk was confident, if a little ‘carnival side show.’  “Now, light your candle.

Teri flicked the lighter and ignited the wick.

“And boom!” The clerk said, “Now you own a candle! Your reality is changed.”

 

Cleaning the Wall

“It was such a nice wall,” lamented shop owner Myka Clifton.  She was busy scrubbing spray paint from the south wall.

“The paint’s coming off just fine,” Arthur Dents, owner of the store next door, reassured his friend.

“I just wish I knew what it meant,” Myka wondered.

“Does ‘Willy Wonka Was Wrong’ really need to mean anything?” Arthur questioned.

“I suppose not. But that makes it just really, really weird,” Myka answered.

“That’s life isn’t it? Really weird and full of chocolate.” Arthur continued his scrubbing.

“It is a good point though. Wonka was messed up,” Myka pointed out.

 

 

Thanks for reading!

Some entertainment options you may enjoy:
Lunch Hour Characters (bad art, humorously captioned)
Free books
$1 Books
Mugs and Stickers and other tangible things
My Facebook Page for videos and links and other intangible things 

Tickets Optional

“This concert is going to be awesome!” Matt said.

“Concert!” The roomies echoed.  Their first major group event since moving in together was about to kick off in style.

“How are the shirts coming, Myk?” Matt asked.

Myk lifted an iron off a freshly pressed shirt. “Looking good. Should have all of them done in a moment.”

“Nice,” Maurice said.  He looked over his shirt.  “Who needs tickets when you have iron-on patches reading ‘Staff’?”

“Free concert!” The roomies shouted in unison.

“Do you guys really think this is going to work?” Matt questioned.

“Confidence!” The others chanted. “Confidence! Confidence!”

In the Weeds

“You know we live our lives according to other people’s schedules?  Boss. Neighbor. In-laws. Cars in traffic.  There’s no control.  No freedom.  That sound out there? That’s just using what little time we have available to meet the demands of someone else.  Demands that that other person has no idea they are making, but society dictates we match this pretty little suburban ideal of what we show each other,” Calder said from his recliner.

“You have to mow, Cal.” Camilla said.

“Only if I can put the anarchy symbol in the grass.”

“So long as it’s short and mosquito free.”

Vance’s New Window

“This new windshield will treat you well, mister. Treat. You. Well.” Sid said, putting the finishing touches on the installation.

“I appreciate it, Sid.  That crack was getting larger,” Vance said.

“Yeah, like your waistline,” said an unseen newcomer to the conversation.

“Excuse me?” Vance asked.

“Something tells me you don’t ‘play’ dumb, you just are.”

“Gosh, sir, I’m sorry about this,” Sid started, “this is a new glass type.”

“The windshield is talking?” Vance asked in total disbelief.

“No. Sid was talking. You interrupted.” The windshield said.

Sid sighed, “this is ill-tempered glass.  It won’t break. It only wise-cracks.”

Dane Leaves a Review

“Click to review the app,” Dane read the pop-up that covered his screen, “Sure. Why not?”

He pressed the button and his cherished app was replaced with a screen featuring more survey questions than he knew what to do with.

“Well, this doesn’t look right,” he muttered.  He paid himself no attention though and began to review the app for the sake of a bonus character.

“You stand at a railway watching a trolley car.  On the track lay five people. You stand next to a switch,” Dane slapped the arm of the couch. “Dang trolley car problem is inescapable!”