Making Meetings Better

The meeting was dragging on.  More than one person was visible zoned out and a few were taping the drum routine to Tom Sawyer by Rush.

“Management will have to review next quarter projections for accuracy before we take it to investors,” lead accountant Tim Sqaure informed the participants.  This phrase was uttered every quarter.

“Loraine, that’s your take away. Management roles are pretty sweet right,” Tim asked jokingly.

Loraine popped back to the meeting.  Management roles were pretty boring so far. She did have one little trick to make the title pretty fun though.

“But, I already have so much blood on my hands!” Loraine shouted, slapping a stack of papers.

The group chuckled politely.

“Ran that one into the ground already, eh?” Loraine asked.  “By your faces, yes. I’ll get those reviewed and approved by Friday.”

Advertisements

Wyker Chaare and the Deer Lord

“Jelena, Deer Lord, I have come to these woods to seek your wise counsel,” the elf wizard called Wyker Chaare greeted the majestic god of the wild.

“Approach, druid,” Jelena granted audience.

“My kingdom lays in ruin.  Enemy from within allied with enemy from afar.  Together, their forces over run the armies loyal to our king.  Now I venture, alongside this band of warriors behind me, intent on restoring order and peace.  We travel the world over assembling a force to bring an end to the usurper’s rule,” Wyker Chaare said, “I ask you, how can we win this?”

“Oh wow.  Wow, this is heavy, man,” Jelena replied.  “I’m more of the parable advice giver forest god.  You want advice on being calm as all get out, I’m your deer.  You need tips on handling interpersonal relationships? These antlers have you covered.  I even picked lottery numbers once.  You folks, you are looking for the mountain god, Ed.  Ed loves smashing things.  Take him a can of Pringles and you’re in.  Go see, Ed.”

“Ed?” Wyker repeated.  “I am unfamiliar with Ed.”

“You question my counsel, mortal?” Jelena asked.

“No offense, Deer Lord, no offense.  We shall seek this, Ed, and reclaim our lands.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Y’all go do that. I have a meeting to get to. An important meeting.  Bye.” Jelena nervously looked over the warriors before darting off into the woods.

 

 

Thanks for reading!

Some entertainment options you may enjoy:

Cursed by Dice podcast

Lunch Hour Characters (bad art, humorously captioned)

Free books

$1 Books

Mugs

Perhaps buy me a coffee?

Cursed By Dice Episode 1

The first episode of the brand new Cursed By Dice podcast is available now!

Check out the podcast’s website here: https://cursedbydice.wordpress.com/2017/08/15/episode-1

Or head straight to the podcast on iTunes with this link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cursed-by-dice/id1271099109

I’m super excited about this project.  Lots of characters, monsters, puzzles and fun to take part in.

Give it a listen to find out how we’re planning on making the whole thing as interactive as can be and please subscribe and review if you can.  These first few after launch are critical and I am in dire need of your help to get this out there and hopefully make a few people laugh.

Thanks for being awesome!

Yarran, Wizard.

Yarran thought being a powerful wizard living in the heart of the big city would be a lot more amusing than the reality of the situation.  His days revolved around subway rides, finding the nearest outlet to plug his phone charger into and finding at least one restaurant line that did not have a hundred people queued up to order.  There was no pointy hat, cloak wearing battle against the sinister forces of evil that plagued his town.

None of the fun stuff the movies had promised.

There was one big perk that ensured his life was slightly better than that of an average mortal.  With a wave of his wand he could control and direct any number of pigeons.  His visits to parks were wildly amusing.

Deck and Amy and the Block Party

“What the heck is a block party?” Deck asked.

“It’s a gathering of neighbors.  Food is shared, drinks and spilled.  It’s a good way to meet those around us.  It’s an incredible uncomfortable and forced way to meet the people around us, but it is a way,” Amy replied.

“So if we meet these people that live around us are they less likely to call city code enforcement about the dead tree in our front yard?” Deck asked.

“Probably not, but they’ll at least be able to say the dead tree is at Deck’s house.  We have to go for a little while.  I do have a plan to get in and out. And it plays on the theme.  The 1990s.” Amy said.  A devilish grin crept over her face and the two began to discuss their plan.

The day of the block party arrived and the couple prepared for their five minute appearance.

At the end of the block smoke rose from a collection of Weber grills.  The scent of ketchup and dill pickle relish rode the breeze.  Deck and Amy were both mildly annoyed by the pop music coming from someone’s small blue tooth speaker, but they let it slide.  They were more annoyed by their own outfits. Continue reading

People on the Highway

I’m trying out a new path home from work.  As a semi-professional liar storyteller person, the new route is amazing.  It is peak Colorado front range.  I see cattle pastures, oil derricks, corn fields, industrial concrete recycling, small town schools, manufacturing plants that smell funny (likely because they are next to giant giant mounds of fresh fertilizer, but that is beside the point).  I see a new story setting every five minutes.  I am very much enjoying the new path.  Another thing it has going for it; very few other people on the road.

Consisting mostly of side roads, I don’t have to deal with too many Honda sedans with a texting driver at the wheel.  The standard situation for Honda sedans in Colorado at least.

Today, I had company on the commute and this is her story.

Today’s tale: Sunny

Continue reading

Jenkins Fixes Computers

“Jenkins!” Mr. Sanders shouted from behind his closed office door.

Jenkins, sitting just outside in a cubicle meant for no human to sit in, interpreted the shout to mean, “kid, get in here.”  Jenkins obliged.

“What’s up, Mr. Sanders?” Jenkins asked, peering into the office.

“Fix this.” Sanders pointed at his computer screen.  Jenkins moved to view the screen and sighed.  The problem was instantly identified and easy to fix, and something they had gone over before.

“It happened again, huh?” Jenkins asked.

“No idea how this time,” Sanders explained himself.  Jenkins knew how it happened.  The problem was fixed with a few taps on the keyboard.

“Good work.  Now set a calendar reminder for me to remember to sit down with you to learn how to do these things on my own.” Sanders demanded.

Jenkins shook his head and accepted his role as the office computer fixer, all the while mildly resenting his years of research into workforce retention dynamics and the accompanying $40,000 MBA.