Proposals by Profession

How different professions propose marriage. I suppose:

Plumber: Take the plunge with me!

Baker: Let’s get cookin’

Drug dealer: Let’s get cookin’

Doctor: I’m giving you a prescription… for life long partnership.

Barber – Let’s cut to the chase and marry!

Dog trainer: *offers a treat* Marry me?

Salesperson: You’re the deal of a lifetime!

Photographer: In a flash, our lives will change. Something about an aperture.

Technical writer: Step 1: View ring.  Step 2: Respond to question Step 3: If answer to question is Yes, proceed to life time together. If no, accept end user agreement and review subscription requirements.

Brewmaster: We should hop to it.

Prison guard: We’ll cell-ebrate a lifetime together.

Spy: — … — . —….. – . -. — … —-

Dance instructor: Let’s get cookin’ (said with jazz hands flailing about)

 

Thanks for reading!

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Principal Clark and the Science Fair

 

Principal Clark hated the science fair.  Not for lack of caring about the science or expanding the minds of youngsters, but for the simple fact that baking soda and vinegar volcanoes smelled terrible.  It was a stench that haunted his dreams.  As he entered the school’s auditorium to being judging this year’s event, he took a brief pause to ready for next hour and a half.

The doors swung open and he reviewed the scene.  Volcanoes everywhere.

Crap he thought.

Then his eye captured an image of hope.  In the far corner of the open space, set up on a table without a tablecloth (and surely the control freak Mr. Osborne was freaking out about that detail) was an honest to goodness experiment.  No display of a wildly popular chemical reaction, but a tri-fold display board dedicated to circles and wheels.  A student was learning.

Principal Clark raced to the exhibit and soaked in every word of the presentation.

“Tell me everything,” Principal Clark demanded of the student at the table.

“Certainly, Principal Clark.  When I went to decide on this year’s research project I wanted to see just how innovative the first big piece of technology really was.  Second, I wanted to *circle* back to something I remember you saying long ago,” the student explained.

Clark was intrigued.  “What did I say long ago?”

“Well, I know you’re *tired*, but you’re *wheeley* going to like this,” the student said, snickering.

Principal Clark knew what was happening.  “I said I could always be won over by a solid pun. Dang it. The one time you kids listen to me.  Congratulations, you’ve won the science fair.”

 

 

Thanks for reading! I’m very much off to sleep now.

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Perhaps buy me a coffee?

Alie’s Big Discovery

Alie sat at a long table covered in a blue table cloth.  Beside her were scientists and professors all excited about her discovery.  In front of her, a bank of microphones from local and national news stations waited to catch her every word.  Lights were bright, the press pool was quiet.  It was Alie’s time to talk.

“Good afternoon,” the paleontologist started, “I’m Alie and I found a dinosaur.”

“Alie, what do you plan on calling the creature?” A reporter blurted out.

“I’m naming it after my car,” Alie replied.  “The creature, aged 130 millions years, will be called a Fordsaurus.”

 

Thanks for reading!

Band, Genre, Playlist and All We Need to Know

Here now, little known bands, the genre they call home, the Spotify playlist they are featured most heavily on, and a little background on the playlist creator.

Band: Clickbait Worm
Genre: EDM,
Featured in Playlist: The Sponge Cake Disaster
Playlist made by: Becca Hillman of Rochester after a terrible baking incident.

Band:Orange is the New Kid on the Block
Genre: Boy Band Covers
Featured in Playlist: I’M ON A BOAT
Playlist made by: Mark Rodriguez, a nostalgia junkie convinced he’s the only one that remembers most of his references.

Band:Turtle Dove Bar
Genre: Rock-Rap,
Featured on Playlist: Hits from My Childhood
Playlist made by: Ben Davenport, a 35 year old male ashamed of his past.

Band: Jose All Day
Genre: Garage Funk,
Featured on Playlist:Dave Matthews Band Revival
Playlist made by: Jeremy Woolworth of Topeka, but not the obvious one.  Jeremy built this play during a bar crawl and has no idea where this particular entry came from.

Band: Ice^3 Tres
Genre: Gypsy Punk
Featured on playlist:  Three Times the GoGoGo!
Playlist made by: Jody “Krang” Popovich.  Tennis player. Fan of sets.

Band: Loud! Loud! Loud!
Genre: Stadium Rock
Featured on playlist: Underwater Basket Weaving Ball
Playlist made by: A workout mix built by Todd Trodo. Love Cross Fit. Hates leg day.

Band: Lava My Life
Genre: Melodic Post Hard Core inspired by romance novels featuring Fabio on the cover.
Featured on playlist: Takes These Broken Swings and Earn Some Pie
Playlist made by: Orin Waysmith.  Puts ketchup on his macaroni and cheese.

Working Titles

Planning. I’m not very good at it. I’m working on that though.  Starting right now!

Books I will one day write:

A knight retires to take a life of baking.  When the kingdom is threatened, he must take up arms once more and use his new skills in the kitchen to save the day.  Working title Honor Roll.

A shipping and logistics manager is looking for a new home.  Along the way, he learns a thing or two about life, love and true happiness.  Working title; Where House?

Terrance is a con man.  Hard rock, hard liquor, hard life; his motto.  He’s grown tired of the life though.  One last score and he can leave it all behind.  Working title Highway to Sell

A mad scientist, alone in a secluded forest just south of the Canadian border has created life.  His creation, part onion like plant, part bird, is reproducing out of control.  He has just a week to stop his creation before all is lost.  Working title Peak Leek Beak

A slapstick comedy featuring Erin and Aaron discovering new ways to make tunnels through mountains.  Nothing seems to go well or right, but the duo have a zany adventure and discover some truth along the way. Working title TNTeeHee.

 

I have some writing to do.

Thanks for reading!

The Interview

“What makes you interested in this particular program, Mr. Dover?” The admissions counselor asked of “Mr. Dover” much to his delight.  No one had ever called him mister before.

“Well, I really feel I was born for the mortuary trade.” Mr. Dover explained.

“Why is that?”

“My first name is Keel.”

“Your name is Keel Dover?”

“I’m quite upset with my parents.”

“You really were meant for this line of work. Welcome to the program!”

 

Sunset Musings

And now….

Sunset Musings and Considerations.

Volume 1.

*ahem*

People have been cut by smooth jazz CDs.

Thank you.