Parenthood is a weird, terrible, amusing, gross, lovely, heartening experience full of weird, terrible, amusing, gross, lovely, heartening moments. There exists myriad tips, tricks, guides, pamphlets, websites, Morse code signals to help parents understand how to not mess up a little human while keeping their sanity, but the go-to is the parenting book. I've skimmed … Continue reading Must Haves: Parenting Books
The children behave so incredibly well when with other adults 6 o'clock am This is sleeping in today I'm mostly okay. Every bandaid here Has a cartoon face on it Face covered in blood. Why is this sticky? Why is that thing sticky too? How does this happen? Remember that thing? You said you would … Continue reading Haiku for the Parents Out There
Toddler, half an hour after falling asleep: Daddy, there's something under my bed. Me, to toddler: Oh, buddy. Let's get you back to sleep. I'll check under your bed. Me, to self: Oh good golly, what if there is actually something under the bed? I would not react well right now. Toddler, crawling back into … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler
Me: Breakfast is served! Toddler: I don't want this. Me: You said you wanted waffles. Toddler: I want eggs and bacon like you and brother. Me: You have waffles. Toddler: But I want eggs. Me: Can you say please? Toddler: Can I please have eggs? Me: Sure. Here's my breakfast. Now please eat. Toddler: Thanks. … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler
Toddler: Dad, are you scared of monsters? Me: Certain monsters. Toddler: Like Godzilla? Me: More like anxiety, depression, cancer. They're different types of monsters. Toddler: Monsters like Godzilla? Me: Just like Godzilla. Toddler: 'Cause I'm not scared of Godzilla. Me; Oh. Thanks for reading!
Me: Okay, let's try something crazy. You get to brush your teeth all by yourself! Ready? Toddler: Yeah. Me: Front, back, top, bottom; remember? Okay. Go! Toddler, brushing: This tastes bad. Me: Well, it'll go away. Keep brushing, please. Toddler continues brushing. Me: You don't need to brush your lips. Toddler: No, Dad. I need … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler
"I see you two have gone the AI in the house route. Is that an Echo or a Home?" Arnold asked the party host, CJ. The two dads were navigating the social intricacies of a seven year old's birthday party. Finger foods on paper plates were scattered through the living and dining room areas, children … Continue reading The Robot Assistant’s Amazing Magic Trick