Building the App

I’m slowly coming into my own with coding.  Slowly.  As with any new skill, application is very important.  But how to apply the skill? Good golly, that’s a focus issue that needs to be sorted out.

Right now!

Apps under consideration… Continue reading

Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day! Here are some thoughts for my tombstone’s epitaph.

Pox came down and smashed this clown

His final word rhymed with orange

He tried. He died. Lesson learned. Continue reading

Must Haves: The City of the Future

The future.  It is fast approaching.  Let’s talk about things the city of the future must have.

List time!

Traffic lights.  Our cars may be self driving, but the experience of traffic jams and lights that just won’t change needs be an experience all generations experience.

Barber shops operated by actual people telling the robots what to do.  It’s the personal touch that matters most.

Greasy spoon diners with smell-o-vision e-menus.  Smell the food to make a choice! Watch a video of the meal before making a choice! Just sit at the booth and look at thin piece of electronic paper showing gifs of gorgeous, likely bad for you food.

Little Libraries that are just 3D printers on street corners used to print physical books.  I don’t know how the tech would work, but the future will!

Back to cars.  They’ll be self driving, but birds will inevitably still find ways to mess up windshields.  The City of the Future should get rid of birds.  Wait…no.

Public Wifi.  This should not be so difficult.

The city of the future must have billboards available in all languages thanks to wonders of augmented reality.  The greatest use for the tool will be seeing ads for stuff one actually cares about; no ads at all.  AR AdBlock right in your glasses.

Mass extinction is going to continue, but the city of the future will offer some crazy detailed holograms of long gone animals.  Like a zoo, but full of Force ghosts.  Wowsa, it’ll be creepy.

The city of the future will have Firefly Season two.

Taco Trucks will be able to teleport food to your home or office.

The Gig Economy will flourish in the city of the future.  So long as you’re a lawyer.

Self. Cleaning. Windows.  The city of the future will be oddly focused on windows.

Self. Tying. Ties.

Doors that blink green if you have everything you need before leaving the house, red if not.

Alien overlords.

Events of 2017

Hope.  Promise.  General feeling that things will be marginally improved by the change of a number.  That is the fun of the last week of the year.  We all get another go around the earth and that’s something.  Sure, we’re going into a new year without Alan Rickman or Prince, and the upcoming executive branch is… At least hope for the future is always with us.

The year ahead has plenty of opportunity to be awesome.  I am now going to use all my predictive powers to bring you, dear reader, some events from the year ahead.

Here we go! Continue reading

Junk Drawer List

There are some things in life that would be neat to see, but not exactly worth purposely seeking out.  Like a really crazy snow globe collection in some corner store in Ohio; I’m not driving to Ohio for snow globes, but if I was getting pizza across the street, I’d probably hop over and put greasy finger prints on an Elvis themed confetti orb.  You just know Elvis will be present.

Now I’m thinking of other things that would be neat to see, but not so neat to see as to make it happen..  A junk drawer list, if you will. Continue reading

Where Are They Now? The College Edition

Ah, college.  Years spent studying, partying, studying some more, telling your parents you’re studying more, actually studying, writing midnight papers, wishing you had studied even more, finishing papers, forgetting which lab room your class was meeting in this week…well.  College.  Ever wondered what became of all those peers you met, but didn’t know well enough to actually become Facebook buddies?  Never fear! Your answers await…

Continue reading

The Essential Evil Lair

I started a new job today.  Exciting stuff, but as with any transition there’s a brief moment of “what else is out there?” Because settling is for the settled…or something.

So, to make that next career move extra fun, here are the essential components of my soon to be occupied lair.

No less than five cat-in-tree motivational posters

An open office plan, because there’s nothing more evil than having your coworkers clearly see your face when the power point you thought was done cannot be found on the office shared drive.  Down right cold.

One computer in the back that runs on Linux, but it is assigned to a guy that has not upgraded from Windows 98 yet.  There’s some water cooler talk!

No water coolers.

A daily email from “Mark” which contains memos about completely mundane things.  Mark is the office pariah, and everyone unites in their hatred of Mark, but it turns out that “Mark” is an algorithm that compiles obnoxious words together.

But do not waiver on Mark’s ban of Sun Chips.  That’s just good policy.

Quickbooks.  Probably.

Traps everywhere.  You never know when a nemesis will arrive.  Again, good policy.

Cake everywhere.  We’ll call it lair’d cake.  Laughs will be had.

One room that is completely empty but has a puddle of water in the middle of the floor.  Essential.

One room with Die Hard running on loop.

One room full of floppy discs.  New guy gets to find out what’s on them.

A hallway that lights up as you approach each individual wall sconce.  It would be so dark, but so cool.

A 401K match up to 12%; evil needs to at least have good benefits.

Mugs reading “Have They Cured Mondays Yet?” for every employee.

 

Sooooo basically, evil lairs are far from worthwhile.  At least we’ve worked that through.

Thanks for reading!