Common Conversations with My Toddler

Me: Let's get some music going, eh? Alexa, play Murder By Death. Toddler: Alexa, play Murder by Poop! Toddler - laughs uncontrollably and oddly goose like Me, stifling laughter: Dude, that's not how we interact with the robot. Alexa: I cannot help you that. Toddler: Alexa, play poop playlist! - continues excited goose laughter - … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler

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Common Conversations with My Toddler

Me: Bed time, buddy.  Go put on your pajamas. Toddler: I want Fire Truck jams. Me: Sounds good.  I'll get them. Toddler, looking at Fire Truck pajamas: I don't want those. Me: You said you wanted Fire Truck jams. Toddler: I want snowman jams. Me: Here are those. Toddler: Not those snowman jams. Me: Are … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler

Haiku for the Parents Out There

The children behave so incredibly well when with other adults 6 o'clock am This is sleeping in today I'm mostly okay. Every bandaid here Has a cartoon face on it Face covered in blood. Why is this sticky? Why is that thing sticky too? How does this happen? Remember that thing? You said you would … Continue reading Haiku for the Parents Out There

Common Conversations with My Toddler

Toddler, half an hour after falling asleep: Daddy, there's something under my bed. Me, to toddler: Oh, buddy. Let's get you back to sleep.  I'll check under your bed. Me, to self: Oh good golly, what if there is actually something under the bed? I would not react well right now. Toddler, crawling back into … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler

Phone Calls with Granny

A recent phone call with my mom: Phone rings. I answer. Me: Hey, Mom. Mom: Hi! Me: Let me get a few feet away from the children so I can hear you. Mom: OK! Children: Where you going, dad? Me: Talking to Granny. You guys want to say hi? Children, in unison: *Loudly detail everything … Continue reading Phone Calls with Granny

Common Conversations with My Toddler

Me: I'm off to work, gang! I love you. Bye! Toddler: [dead serious] Daddy. Take this teddy bear with you to work. Me: Sure thing, bud.  I love you.  See you tonight. Toddler: Wait. I need something else. [runs off] Me: Sure thing. Toddler: [upon return] Take this blanket for the bear. Me: Ah, yes. … Continue reading Common Conversations with My Toddler