A Warning Ignored

“There’s something terrifying down in that canyon. My last venture resulted in the loss of three explorers.  A creature, born of fire and greed, based on how quickly it moved and devoured all it touched, lurks.  Waits. Watches.  I saw Predator and thought it was a comedy.  No longer shall I laugh, for I have seen the devil and it comes for more.  Do not travel into the mouth of the beast.  You will not return!”

“That is one talkative donkey, Janet,” the tourist said.

“He’s always been quite social.  You ready for your adventure?!” Janet readied the next tour.

 

Francis the Problem Solver

“Oh great Cthulhu, we summon thee! Your acolytes are in need!” Francis chanted at the water below.

“Would you stop it with that? People are looking.” Aidan pleaded with his father.

Francis was encouraged and continued, “Ancient One, we call upon to correct the actions of one your admittedly lesser subjects.”

“Francis, that’s enough,” Abby said, advising her husband to stop.

“Well perhaps the younger Smiths should have listened to the request to stop their shenanigans, then we would not have to summon Cthulhu’s itself to rescue their beloved iPhones from the depths of the sea!” Francis said, still chanting.

 

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The Movies we Remember

“You’re going to love this,” Darren said.  Colors flashed on the TV and the experience began.

Stella sat for two hours feeling boredom, disgust and was completely unable to lower her eyebrows.

Credits rolled and Darren perked up.  “Well, what did you think?”

Stella thought the movie was probably the worst movie ever made, and she marathon’d the Tremors franchise once.  Honesty, she told herself, key to marriage.

She turned to her husband, “I would sooner test bear traps than watch that again.”

“So you won’t be watching the sequel with me?” Darren asked.

“Not this lifetime, nope.” Stella confirmed.

 

 

 

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Wade at the End of the World

If a person could be defined by a sound, Wade could be defined as the rumble of an empty stomach.  People can’t be defined as sounds though, so they are left to be defined by their actions and words.  Wade was better defined as a hunter of prey that probably deserved a head start.

“Would you just stop so I can eat you!” Wade shouted at a very fast chicken. “Dinner for one, to go. Amirite?”

A laugh not his own sounded behind the rubble. At that moment, Wade was defined as the sound of screams on a roller coaster.

Team Building

via Pixabay

“Sir, how does this pertain to the business?” Jenkins asked.

“Jenkins, you’re a good employee.  This is a team building activity.” Johnson answered.  Johnson always had an answer at the ready.  This both impressed and exhausted Jenkins.

“I appreciate that, sir, but most companies opt for trust falls or volunteer work.  We are standing in a marsh with shovels and that ‘tour guide’ you hired is obviously reading a treasure map,” Jenkins hoped the comment was not heard as snarky.

“Astute observations, Jenkins. Well done.” Johnson began handing out hard hats.

“So we’re treasure hunting then?”

“Right you are, Jenkins!”

A Walk in the Woods

“Nancy. Nancy they saw us.”

“Keep calm, Bryan, they are just as scared of us as we are of them.”

“No. No we’re not. We will mess you up if get any closer.”

“The goat just spoke. Nancy. Nancy. The goat is talking.”

“My name is Robert, Bryan. Bleat it, or I’m calling the cops.”

“Bryan, stop laughing at Robert. Robert, sweetie, we are just going to back away.”

“He said, ‘bleat it!'”

“Bryan, stop laughing. Again, I’m so sorry about this, Robert.”

“It’s going to be a gruff day for you, Bryan.”

“Oh, come on, that was on purpose!”

Source

wheat-1318756_640“Legend has it that when the blue sun rises over the gold wheat, a terrible plague will be unleashed upon humanity,” explained Ted, trying sound scary.

Rick tossed down aside his now empty beer can, “did you hear this legend from Deputy Dan?”

“He’s been right before,” Ted justified.

“Deputy Dan cannot be your source anymore.  He was right about the Cubs because he says they’ll win it every year.  He was bound to be right eventually,” Rick said, popping open another can.

“So no plague then?” Ted asked.

“Oh that’ll happen, but due to mice,” Rick answered.

“Sounds right.”