Cult Ranking System: A Template

There are two things I really enjoy; cults that don’t hurt anybody and repeatable processes. And data-based decision making. Three things. But for the sake of comedy, we’re going to focus on cults that don’t hurt anybody. There will never be a documentary about harmless cults, but that’s okay. I don’t have the energy or the ability to not be a control freak to join a cult, but I can provide those so inspired to create a harmless cult (which I guess is more like a book club than anything else) a way to organize and rank their members.  Without order there is chaos and chaos is bad.

Anywho. Try these ranks for your next cult.

Level 1 Cultist: The Underling

The underling is responsible for processing paperwork and data input.  They are really good with Google Calendar and following up on that outstanding invoice.

Level 2 Cultist: The Operator

The Operator is here to execute. They don’t process paperwork anymore. They make things happen. Take to the streets, tell people about the cult, read the handbook and make suggestions. That’s what the Operator does and they do it well.

Level 3 Cultist: The Specialist

Where Operators execute the plan, Specialists make the tools that help the plan come to fruition. They create pamphlets and get people up to speed.

Level 4 Cultist: The Overseer

The Overseer interprets the will of the hand of god (Level 17, but we’ll get there) and ensure the lower level cultists know what’s going on and…

Oh good golly. Oh no. Oh this isn’t right. Cults and corporations have the same layout. Snap. This is bad. No one tell anybody about this. I think we’ve uncovered something here that…

I have to go.

Be safe everyone.




Thanks for reading!


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