Turner Winthrop IV of West Township, Maine has four roommates. Three of the roommates are pleasant, pay their rent on time, and go about their days without incident. One roommate knows that Turner does not password protect his phone and describes himself as “chaotic neutral” when company comes to visit.
Today, Turner is experiencing one of his roommate’s stranger pranks. And the alarms started running at 5:20 this morning.
Alarm Time – Alarm Text
5:20 am – Time to wake up.
5:24 am – For real this time.
5:30 am – Okay, you’re awake now. Good on you, T.
5:45 am – Eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day according to mid-19th-century marketing gurus.
5:55 am – Ponder for a moment all of the factors controlling how you think of the world. Have you considered why dandelions are considered weeds? Probably a marketing issue.
6:00 am – Did you eat?
6:15 am – Check out Shawn Writes Stuff’s newest post because it is glorious and funny
6:20 am – go to work.
6:22 am – wait! Crap! Did you leave the house already? Turn around. Shower, get dressed, brush your dang teeth. Unless you already did all that stuff then keep on rocking, T.
6:30 am – All is well. Drive you fool.
8:44 am – It’s been awhile. Have you forgotten about me? Your phone? Your dear, dear phone?
8:45 am – Kidding! You put these alarms in place. The phone doesn’t think for itself.
8:46 am – Or does it? Go get a snack.
9:00 am – Did you get a snack or a snake? You made that mistake once before.
10:44 am – Do some work would you? You define yourself by your job. If you are not doing your job you are not actually living.
12:33 pm – Good job living! Now go eat. Go eat something with soy in it. It may be good for you.
1:15 pm – You ate a burrito didn’t you? Go to the gym today.
3:15 pm – Two hours between alarms? Do you just not want to talk to me? Do you just want to listen to ZZ Top and do your job all day?
4:28 pm – Good idea. Go home now. You’ve worked enough. Tomorrow will bring about more of the same.
7:11 pm – Ha! Like the convenience store.
7:12 pm – don’t leave the house. Just follow your alarms. Trust your alarms.
8:44 pm – Remember twelve hours ago when I was bugging you? I’m doing it again. Get one last snack. Not a snake. And get ready for slumber. Slumber is good. Slumber is your friend.
3:21 am – You should wake up right now for just a minute! It’s another day! We’re going to have fun again!