Must Haves: Professional Advice

I switched jobs recently.   I went from a long established company to a small firm that is going through major growth. It is very exciting stuff, but most of the standard tools I know and love are unavailable and there are 1/4 of the people, so I’m needing to learn some new things. In this pursuit, I’ve been taking in a ton of business advice books lately. Project management, process improvement, more SQL than I know what to do with, Six Sigma certifications; lots of new information all the time.  If there’s one thing I am wildly certain of right now it is that I don’t know jack about anything, but I do know what I want from a book offering professional advice.

A professional advice book must have…


Sam Elliott narrating the audiobook must be allowed to editorialize at any given moment.

At the end of each section, when inevitably the “key detail” is summarized and highlighted, make this point only about Cthulu’s approach to the theory presented.

Every author photo needs to be done in the style of the 1968 Simon and Garfunkel classic Bookends.

Change out “The End” for “Remember to Like and Subscribe” because that’s what all these books are about anyway.

Chapter titles should only be references to Abbott and Castello movies

More quotes from The Room.would really make team behavior training really pop.

Murder mystery plots.

Three egg salad sandwich recipes sprinkled in there just to make sure people are paying attention.

A table of contents that pops up to be an actual table.

Stories of complete failure just before the author talks about consulting with Fortune 100 companies.  We learn from failure. Bonus points if the failure involves leading a harmless cult.

Back to audiobooks: less editing, more dogs barking in the background.

Have a graph to display? Label every axis with “wouldn’t you like to know.”

Attribute quotes to the slightly the wrong person. Quote from Abe Lincoln? Not anymore. Elmo Lincoln said that.

Skip chapter 4.

Get a running gag in there. And then find out what Cthulu’s approach the joke would be.


Thanks for reading!



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