Is there anything more curious than a dropped briefcase? A rogue walking down the street, they stumble, their case falls to the ground and exposes a bundle of papers that will change the world. A mule has to drop the cargo at a specific spot, nervousness results in dropping a case full of illegal squirrels. That’s high drama stuff right there.
There are some elements that go into making this moment perfect though. Some very specific elements.
A good dropped briefcase moment must have….
Someone shouting, “Where’s the beef!” This will confuse passers-by and provide enough time to clean up and run.
One of those monkeys in a hat that plays cymbals for quarters.
A nearby unicyclist who is watching the whole thing go down. They’ll be the key witness and the character Pauly Shore plays when this whole thing turns into a movie.
Rocks falling from skyscrapers.
Those rocks have the phrase “where’s the beef” carved into them.
The briefcase expands to ten times its original size upon hitting the ground and deploys a wacky-wavy-arm-balloon-person. Dance party follows.
10,000 marbles, please.
Oddly enough, the beef.
The Law & Order “dun dun” sound plays the second the briefcase hits the floor.
David Attenborough narration.
David Attenborough saying, “there’s the beef.”
The person carrying the case is dressed like the The Wraith from The Wraith.
One person nearby gets the The Wraith reference.
During the dance party, Wilson the Volleyball makes a guest appearance! This guest list is amazing!
No known connections to whatever it was that Draft Kings was part of.
One Maji from The Mummy to look over the scene and be reassured that the secret is safe.
15 more bananas.
David Attenborough providing an abridged story of the plot of season one of Gargoyles.
What’s that? 15 more bananas.
Wait? What was this all about? This went wildly off the rails. You know what? Just let me pick up all these papers that have somehow fallen from my briefcase and I’ll be moving along. No, no. Don’t worry about helping out, these documents detail mostly just the dull adult stuff. Taxes! APR! Value Pack mailers! You know. Alrighty, cool. Thanks! Bye!
Thanks for reading!