Usually I take my lunch to work. Some sort of microwave friendly fare gets me through that crazy mid-day feast and then it’s back to being efficient and productive, and productively efficient. Sometimes though, oh golly, sometimes ‘usual’ gets tossed to the wind and the lunch hour is spent at a restaurant! Hopefully one with wifi, because not working for even an hour would be a sin it appears. But lunch out still has to be worth it, you know?
You know what lunch at a restaurant must have?
Must haves: Lunch
– A seat facing the entrance so I can see the person that has been sent to destroy me.
– Two clocks on the wall. One clock for the current time in Rome. One clock for the current time in Gnome.
– A dessert cart. Whatever happened to dessert carts? The 80s ended and suddenly I don’t want a shellacked tiramisu pushed over to me by a waiter who knows I am not going to order anything anyway? Good golly do I miss dessert carts.
– At least one piece of art hanging from the ceiling that compels a step-dad to tap their step-child on the shoulder, point up, and say, “you make better art than this schmuck.” You’re doing a great job, Todd.
– Fiiiiiive golden rings.
– One poster that reads “There can be only one” over a scenic mountain view. That’s the inspiration we need.
– A sign in the front lobby that reads “No shirt? No shoes? No respect for the value of vaccines? No service!”
– Waldo books at the ready.
– Four oranges resting next to an empty dog bed in the corner of the bar. The dog is busy barking at a pinball machine.
– A pianist by the kitchen who only plays piano renditions of Slayer songs.
– Fresh pumpkins all year round. It’s weird, but fun.
– The carpet came straight from a mall that torn down in 2008 to make way for a Target and a fancy car wash that has a rewards program no one understands.
– A good Reuben.
– There’s a tv in a corner which constantly runs Halloween episodes of popular television shows new and old.
Yep. That’s what a makes a good lunch place.