Speeding Ticket Avoidance

“Ah, pickles,” said Day. Blue and red flashing lights filled the rear view mirror.  “Keep it cool.”

As the officer stepped from the car, Day’s mind moved to what to say next.

Scenario 1:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“Officer, listen I’m racing my brother home. If he wins, I have to clean the toilets again. Little twirp hasn’t done it all year! Help me beat him!” Day would reply.

Of course, the issue was Day’s brother, Night, lived in Anaheim. Being in Miami, the race story would falter quickly. Day moved on.

Scenario 2:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“Human. You’re hour of glory has arrived, for you have met with Snargix, Thane of the Hercules Cluster and Protector of the 10 Kingdoms of Doridica. Join me on my quest!” Day would try.

Even if Day got lucky with that one, the officer would be obligated to turn a suspected alien into the proper authorities. There were places to be. Day moved on.

Scenario 3:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“AHHHHH!” Day would reply as ground beef flew from the glovebox.

Of course, the mechanics were not ready and it was taco night. Wasting the ground beef would anger the children. Day moved on.

Scenario 4:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“Do you want some Knicks tickets?” Day would reply.

Day would go to jail for attempted bribery with goods that were both irrelevant and unavailable. Day moved on.

Scenario 5:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“Bees! Bees! Ah! Stay away!” Day would say, trying not to laugh.

Of course, everyone has seen Tommy Boy so that little trick would never work again. Day moved on.

Scenario 6:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“Officer, I’m an undercover Google Maps driver. I have a license, but it’s a license to kill. The dystopian future of our nightmares is now!” Day would reply.

Of course, the officer would ask to see proof and since Day was an Apple fan, not having an Android device available would blow the cover entirely. Day moved on.

Scenario 7:

“License and registration,” the officer would say.

“Here you go. Hey, have you ever had someone speed off during one of these and you wound up on the 10:00 news with a play-by-play of the chase?” Day would reply.

“Why don’t you hand me your keys while I run this, okay?” The officer replied.

Day handed over the keys. These were the words that were actually said. Day did not move on.

 

 

Thanks for reading!

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