Trends of 2019 that will only affect certain communities.
Folk Music: That banjo/record scratch hybrid of 2003 is coming back hard this year, Folksters. Get ready!
Plastic bag manufacturers: Another rough year, but people will really enjoy blue Garamond type on department store bags.
Pumpkin pie purists: Two words: butter topping. Boom.
Slackline: Jumping is out. Harmonicas are in.
Lifesize celebrity cardboard cutout collectors: That limited edition Bea Arthur is going to Sotheby’s in June. Expect the market ripples to hit hard for the remaining Golden Girls, Deadpool, and Adam Sandler.
Non-essential oil makers: Two words: butter topping. Boom.
People allergic to potato chips: It won’t get better this year. The trend continues.
Signatories of the “Bring Back Orbitz” Petition on Change.org: Someone in PepsiCo will read the petition, laugh, and send everybody a can of SURGE!!!! Only the PepsiCo employee will be amused.
Rock Music (not the one with guitars): The big hit of the year will be pegmatite being struck against rhodochrosite. It is essentially the Revolver of the genre.
Humor blog writers: Declining readership because you keep writing about horses and depression. The long face joke isn’t working. Stop it. Stop it. The joke was barely funny the one time you got a laugh.
Kayakers: Going backward!
The group of senior citizens who meet at the community center on Thursday nights to watch Billy Crystal career moments: You’re going to lose your minds when City Slickers 2 hits the screen. Yeah! I know! They made a sequel?? What????
Frozen yogurt shop reviewers: For some reason, every shop is going to have Charleston Chews as a topping option. Rate this poorly.
People who love eating raw cookie dough even though the CDC and general sense say this is a bad idea: Two words: butter topping. Boom.
Thanks for reading!