Predicted Trends of 2019 (For Niche Audiences)

And now…

Trends of 2019 that will only affect certain communities.

Folk Music: That banjo/record scratch hybrid of 2003 is coming back hard this year, Folksters. Get ready!

Plastic bag manufacturers: Another rough year, but people will really enjoy blue Garamond type on department store bags.

Pumpkin pie purists: Two words: butter topping. Boom.

Slackline: Jumping is out. Harmonicas are in.

Lifesize celebrity cardboard cutout collectors: That limited edition Bea Arthur is going to Sotheby’s in June. Expect the market ripples to hit hard for the remaining Golden Girls, Deadpool, and Adam Sandler.

Non-essential oil makers: Two words: butter topping. Boom.

People allergic to potato chips: It won’t get better this year. The trend continues.

Signatories of the “Bring Back Orbitz” Petition on Change.org: Someone in PepsiCo will read the petition, laugh, and send everybody a can of SURGE!!!! Only the PepsiCo employee will be amused.

Rock Music (not the one with guitars): The big hit of the year will be pegmatite being struck against rhodochrosite. It is essentially the Revolver of the genre.

Humor blog writers: Declining readership because you keep writing about horses and depression. The long face joke isn’t working. Stop it. Stop it. The joke was barely funny the one time you got a laugh.

Kayakers: Going backward!

The group of senior citizens who meet at the community center on Thursday nights to watch Billy Crystal career moments: You’re going to lose your minds when City Slickers 2 hits the screen. Yeah! I know! They made a sequel?? What????

Frozen yogurt shop reviewers: For some reason, every shop is going to have Charleston Chews as a topping option. Rate this poorly.

People who love eating raw cookie dough even though the CDC and general sense say this is a bad idea: Two words: butter topping. Boom.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

 

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