I had an early morning today and once again got to join the pre-6am driver club. Membership benefits suck. I do get to see the absolute weirdest stuff though. Not exactly deep sea off the Australian coast weird, but weird none the less.
Today’s tale: Broccoli
A Dodge sedan of some sort is moving rather quickly down the highway behind me. I’m going 63, following a work truck with a bed full of orange buckets and dirty shovels. I’d pass him, but I’m on my way to work and “terrible car crash on way to work” is not what I want any of the police reports with my name on them to read. Though I’d prefer to not appear on police reports entirely. That’s all beside the point. The truck ahead of me is not my concern at this particular hour as the Dodge is racing up behind us.
The Dodge, gray-ish and dented from a mix of hail and bad decisions, is piloted by one Jared Wilkerson. Jared is on his way to work too, but gives his epitaph less thought than I give my own. For the reals, “Died as he lived. Rushing to do stuff that made no difference anyway” will not be on my tiny gold plated urn which will rest on the grand room’s fireplace mantle in my youngest son’s mansion when he’s in his 50s.
Jared is rocking a local radio station that gives frequent updates on marijuana prices and the DJs are “so glad Linkin Park sounds like Hybrid Theory again.” It is a poor choice in radio stations, but Jared displays his poor choices well enough. A neck tattoo of a hotdog in a bun eating a sweating chihuahua is not wise. It did lead his grandmother to learn Photoshop though. So there’s that.
Jared has been making poor decisions since infancy. His parents wanted to expose him to a wide variety of foods and that included broccoli. As a toddler he would ‘sneak’ broccoli to the family dog instead of eating it himself. This would result in the dog passing violent gas at night. The dog preferred to sleep in Jared’s room. Jared was 23 before he figured out the connection.
As quickly as the Dodge arrived it left. The work truck and I caught but a fleeting glimpse of something truly unique in the world and I’m totally okay with not seeing it again. Jared will arrive at work 15 minutes early thanks to his speediness, but isn’t allowed to clock-in until 5 minutes before the start of his shift. Poor decisions.
Thanks for reading.