Wallace and the Ear Worm

“On a yellow submarine, a yellow…” the mail clerk sang as he passed by Wallace’s cubical.

Every day for the last ten months, the mail clerk had walked by the cube and sang one little bit of a popular song before getting on an elevator and leaving the floor.  Every day for the last ten months, Wallace went home singing some top 40 jam from the last 50 years of music history.

Today, with a submarine themed classic being hummed by a twenty-two year old mail delivery specialist, Wallace needed answers.  Why was this kid bringing such an eclectic mix of pop hits into the office?

Wallace rose from his cube as the mail clerk rolled by, “Hey, Chad, you have a sec?”

Chad apparently did not.  He flipped the mail cart over to create a barrier between himself and Wallace and fled to the stairwell.

“What the what?” Wallace questioned, confused by the scene.  He did what film and television had taught him to do; he gave chase.

“Chad! Just a question about the songs, man.” Wallace shouted as he kicked open the stair well door.  Chad was already two flights below.

“They said this day would come!” Chad shouted back.

“I have no idea what that could mean, kid!” Wallace wailed.  It was a very odd Wednesday.

Three more flights of stairs passed under foot before Wallace caught up with Chad.  Chad was bent at the waste, trying desperately to catch his breath and complaining of a cramp.

“Those presidential fitness certificates from school were lies. Dirty, dirty lies,” Chad lamented.

Wallace fared no better.  Sweat dripped from his brow and he held his sides hoping his heart rate would return to a much calmer beat soon.  It would not.

“Why in the world did that just happen?” Wallace asked.

“You’re too close to the truth,” Chad said between breaths.  He had one hand placed on the door to floor three to help keep him standing.  The door betrayed him as it slowly opened.

“That is quite enough, Chadwin Holderswint,” said an intimidating figure in a labcoat.

“Holderswint?” Wallace muttered.

“Sorry, boss. So sorry,” Chad begged forgiveness as he pulled himself off the stairwell landing.

“Wallace.  You have stumbled upon our greatest experiment yet.  We have been training our delivery employees to sing single lines of songs every one knows and timing how long it takes for the subject to go insane,” the lab coat wearing figure explained.

Wallace stared.

“You lasted longer than any previous subject, Wallace from Accounting,” the talking lab coat continued.

“Wait, you don’t know my last name?” Wallace asked.  He was ignored.

“We do know you have an impressive knowledge of 80s hits.” The lab coat answered.

“I still have no idea what is going on. Are you experimenting on me or Holderswint?” Wallace asked.

“You need to know nothing other than you are getting a raise which you will see on your next pay schedule.”

“I’ll take it!” Wallace said, trying to not clap his hands together.

“But you cannot ask any questions about what you have seen today.”

“I already said I’d take it, creepy coated stranger.”

“Is that to imply my coat is creep or I am creepy?”

“This is seriously the strangest day.”



Thanks for reading!


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