Carousels That Should Not Exist


“Gang, we need the next big thing in classic amusement parks rides.  Those hipsters love the old timey allure of a carousel, but we need something to give them an ironic edge.  What do you have for me?” Said the man with a business card in his pocket showing his title as “Director of Theme Park Theme”.   He spent five years figuring it out, abandoning the quest three years ago.

“Well, those Alien movies are big again.  Perhaps someone should talk to Ridley Scott for licensing rights?” Offered the Assistant Director of Carousel Operations.

“Is the Hall of Presidents still around? If not could we steal the robots and put them on a carousel?” Suggested the Interim Manager of Theme Park Theme Design.

“What if we go old school and make all of the mounts monsters from ancient Greece?” Tony, the intern, said.

“Make all of them bumble bees and play Flight of the Bumblebee through the speakers!” The Associate Supervisor of Park Ride Attendants shouted.

“Kids are all about those fidget spinners these days.  Maybe have the mounts spin and spin as they orbit the center?” The Production Manager of Treaty Concessions said.  “Treaty” was the company jargon for snack stands.  It took three weeks to figure that out.

The Director of Theme Park theme raised his hand to put an end to conversation. “Good ideas all.  I want to see President faces on Alien bodies by noon Tuesday.  Intern, get to work on having the mounts spin and spin.  Someone find a public domain cut of Flight of the Bumblebee.  We go into production next month.  Now get to work!”

The Director of Theme Park Theme felt that the future of “Kitchen Sink Rides and Slides” amusement park was bright indeed.


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