Deck and Amy and the Charity Event

Charity events involving caterers walking around with trays of fancy cheeses and grilled vegetables on weird looking crackers were well outside Deck and Amy’s comfort zones.  An obligation to a friend from college, a need for a tax write off, and the promise of free drinks changed backed them into a corner; their attendance was mandatory.

One and a half hours into the evening’s golf and drinks event, Deck and Amy failed to notice the small crowd gathering around them.  They were far too busy to notice anything so trivial as on-lookers, lookie-loos, and rubber neckers.

“What do you mean there’s no fancy lights or smoking volcano when you finally sink the final putt?” Deck asked, flippant and over-dramatic.  From his cell phone, volume maxed, sounds of fireworks and celebratory trumpet fanfare rang out.

“What sort of a golf course is this?” Amy added. 

The security guard at the brunt of their questions looked flabbergasted. “Folks, I don’t think you understand,” the guard tried to say.  Deck and Amy cut him off.

“The course is terribly lit.  You think we can sink some sick putts by the soft glow of solar powered lawn lights? Huh?” Amy asked, taking stumbling steps closer to the guard. And pointing.  Amy was a pointer.

Deck proceeded to march like a band leader around the guard, celebrating his successful putt in a way he felt appropriate.

“You’ve mistaken this for a putt-putt golf course, mini-golf,” The guard said.  “You know what? You two have had enough charity for one night. Time to go.”

Deck and Amy were escorted out of the golf course and told to never return.

Sitting behind the driver’s wheel of their unremarkable sedan, Deck pushed a button and the car roared to life.  “Now that is how to get out of future invitations to these things,” he said, smirking.

He and Amy high-five’d.  “Take us to a burger place.  That cheese was gross and I just kept pouring champagne flutes on the fake plants.  Hungry. Thirsty.  Let’s go!” Amy pointed ahead.

“Those plants weren’t fake,” Deck said, pulling the car out of the parking space.

“Huh.  Well if we weren’t going to be asked back already, that should surely take care of it,” Amy said.

The two rolled away from the golf course, never to return.



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