The Outfit

“Stop,” Katie said from behind her paperback.

“What?” Questioned Calvin, just trying to get out the door and to the store.

“Go change you clothes,” Katie ordered.  Her paperback novel now in her lap, hands still holding either side to prevent losing her page.

“What’s wrong with this?” Calvin asked, moving his hands around to show off his outfit.

“What wrong with that? Sweetie, please.” Katie had tried for years to get Calvin’s attire to something resembling fashionable to no avail.  “You look like you’re on your way to the goodbye party of a suicide cult.”

“Harsh,” Calvin muttered.

“You are dressed like a person who, when neighbors and coworkers hear has died, they all say, ‘at least he won’t be in pain anymore’ despite the fact that there was nothing wrong with you.  You are dressed like how food would feel when the blender is turned on,” Katie explained.

“Well, thank you for your candor. I guess,” Calvin said.  He started walking back to their closet to find new clothes.

“No, wait, stay still.  This is going on Instagram,” Katie let loose her book and pulled out her phone in one very fluid motion to get a picture of her hapless husband trying to dress himself well.  “Captioned with ‘bless his heart’.”

“That seems a bit much,” Calvin said.

“And done.  Okay, go dress like a real person now. Love you,” Katie smiled.

“Love you.” Calvin changed in a hurry.

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