Fourth Quarter Earnings Report

“Team!” Shouted the silhouetted figure walking a precisely lit stage.  A staff of over 4,000 employees of The Company and Co, LLC screamed with excitement and joy in response.

The stage lights changed and the company’s CEO stood center stage wearing a well made suit and a tie featuring bananas.  He raised his arms in a V and shouted once more, “team!”

Matching the tie, the crowd went bananas.

The CEO, Alden Wirmbranch, brought the crowd to silence.  He whispered into his mic, which then amplified his voice to decibel levels considered dangerous in some audiology circles, “You did it.”

The crowd flipped out once more.

“You did it!” Alden cheered on his group.  “This quarter was the best in company history!” More cheers.

“Best revenue numbers!”


“Best profit margins!”


“Best retention numbers!”

Chants of “Wirmbranch, Wirmbranch” erupted through the assembly.

“This quarter,” Alden tried to be heard over the chanting, “you rolled out Project Blue, which will help millions of people travel with ease.”

The chanting grew louder.

“You worked on bringing about The Blue Project, while similarly titled to our other big ticket item of the year, helped millions of people stay at home.”

Clapping and whistling.

“And this year, thanks to those projects and your undeniable skill in making things happen,  we were finally able to eliminate the Morlock threat right underneath this very building!”  Wirmbranch tossed his hands to air once more, threw his head back and waited to bask in the cheers that he was sure would follow.

The crowd quieted.  Pins could be heard dropping despite no one in the building knowing what a pin drop sounded like.

Alden realized what he had said.  Someone from the crowd shouted to the stage, “We didn’t know about the Morlocks, boss!”

Alden smiled, pointed in the direction of the voice and tried to recover.  “And now you never will.  Because this team is the best on the planet!”

Cheers returned.  Flattery had won the day.



2 thoughts on “Fourth Quarter Earnings Report

  1. Reblogged this on jmwwriting and commented:
    What?? Okay, I was expecting a twist. Nobody–well no sane body–would just write a story about an earnings presentation. The fact that the audience were as in the dark about it as the reader seems to be an effective trick. Bravo~

    Liked by 1 person

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