Infomercial, 3 A.M.

You! Yes, you there! Stay right there.  Your life is about to change forever.  All it takes is ten minutes.

//Enter dated rock guitar riff and a title sequence using Word Art here//

Welcome back.  So what is Po-Rad?

Po-rad is the dietary, gluten free, alien mind control defecting, low calorie, high protein, vitamin rich, root vegetable based food supplement you have been waiting for.  Now, I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking, “But, Travis, I already have a perfectly fine dietary, gluten free, alien mind control defecting, low calorie, high protein, vitamin rich, root vegetable based food supplement.”

And that’s great.  But let me tell you something those corporate big wigs over at Car-Snip won’t; only the combination of Russet potatoes and European radish fully wards off the alien overlords out to consume the human species and provides you with enough Vitamin C to prevent the common cold for three years.

But don’t just take my word for it.

There’s science too.

//Even more totally rad guitar and a star wipe across the screen to change scenes//

Po-Rad was developed by 9th century BCE Prussian monks as a means to silence the Old Ones trying to control their minds.  To their surprise, the mixture tasted delicious, gave them energy and helped maintain their weight.  Two things mattered to these masters of modified starch products; monk business and lookin’ good by shockingly modern standards.  Were they time travelers? We may never know.

What we do know? Po-Rad works.

You will maintain a healthy diet.

You will avoid gluten intake.

You will have a low calorie joy.

You will be free of extraterrestrial mind control

You will be a starch fan!

You can call right now, the number flashing below me is 555-7723  That’s 555- PRad.  For just $5 a case, at a 20 case minimum order, you too can unlock the secrets of this ancient European potato and radish delicacy.

 

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