Hope. Promise. General feeling that things will be marginally improved by the change of a number. That is the fun of the last week of the year. We all get another go around the earth and that’s something. Sure, we’re going into a new year without Alan Rickman or Prince, and the upcoming executive branch is… At least hope for the future is always with us.
The year ahead has plenty of opportunity to be awesome. I am now going to use all my predictive powers to bring you, dear reader, some events from the year ahead.
Here we go!
Stranger Things season two is just the kids learning to play “Go” against the computer from War Games. Now that would be a stranger thing.
Instagram rolls out a filter that displays the time cost of perusing the site. The whole of the internet becomes entirely depressing.
Something unearthly is discovered in the Antarctic snow. Kurt Russell freaks the f**k out.
Mid-July everyone gets really into pogs again. By mid-August we all agree it was a fever dream and the children must never know.
Those living brooms from the Mickey segment of Fantasia (Magician’s Apprentice?) are realized through robotics and AI. Utilizing Amazon’s Alexa tech, they revolutionize household chores and murder thousands of mice in sudsy scenes. The children weep.
Congress passes legislation to skip 2016’s Flag Day. No one notices the flaw in passing the resolution in October.
In-home escalators become a common item in multiple home improvement reality television shows. Everyone agrees to stop watching home improvement reality television shows.
Electric Model Ts will flood the market.
A new Dickens novel is unearthed. Kurt Russell freaks the f**k out.
Researchers discover that silk worms are even more gross than originally thought.
3d Printing hits a stride, but most folks are just printing three letter ds and tossing their machines away.
WiFi routers get a “start working again” button installed. Tech support lines still get confused calls.
The price of billiards tables bottoms out in March. People find it odd that this gets news coverage.
Looking forward to some positive notes of 2017!