In Which a Coloradoan Complains of Humidity

Colorado is not a humid place.  The air here is “murder your skin dry” or “so devoid of moisture, you’d think it is in bed with Big Lip Balm” (totally a thing).  So spending the last week in a perpetual state of humid air has melted brains of those around me.

There is nothing a typical Colorado home to protect against humidity either.  Bread is regularly left on counters, doughnuts are shelf stable for a day or two, we have bowls of pretzels out in the open ready for guests, pantry doors are able to just sit open 10 out of 10 days a year.  You think I spend anytime worrying if my flour is going to wick moisture from the air? No, but mostly because that is a weird thing to wonder.

With rains this week, I’ve been fetching graham crackers that have wilted; not that the toddler minds at all.  Quite literally I pick a cracker up from the bag that is always open and it gravity tries to slowly take it back like a dog taking a slice of pizza from the box but trying not to be noticed. A fresh loaf of bread gathered mold spores and went from golden brown to “burn it! burn it to the ground!” green spots in a day.  I don’t enough sealing containers to save everything; the air betrayed us.

I have spent so, so much time on this blog discussing my disdain for swimming and now here’s nature saying “yo, Shawn, I heard you hate swimming, but swimming is good for you! So we’re going put water in your air!”

There’s water in the air.  That leads to pneumonia.  Or drowning.  Not sure which as I’ve never had to worry about that problem before.  Breathing is all about taking in big, deep breaths and grabbing whatever oxygen is available at your current altitude and claiming it as your own.  It is now possible to breathe too hard. Humid air is like breathing through a sponge that sticks to your face.  I hope that is not a relatable analogy to anyone out there.

To those who regularly endure humidity, you have my condolences and respect.  I am going to continue saying “I wish it would just frigign’ rain already,” and sit inside an air conditioning unit.

 

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3 thoughts on “In Which a Coloradoan Complains of Humidity

  1. I lived in Florida for twenty-two years of my life and hated the way the humidity made my skin feel sticky and made my hair frizzy. Then I moved to dry-heat Texas and suffered nosebleeds every day for the first couple of months I lived here. I would much rather live where it’s humid! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

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