The One Driving
I should not be working tonight. I should not be working tomorrow night. I should never work again. My head is going to explode. Street lights hurt. They have the glowing power of a flashlight that has had the same battery since 1988. No. No. Power through. Have to work. Have to drive.
Call to 88th? I can do that.
This drive is the works. Works? Worst. Going to be a long night. I’ll just get the cutesy couple to their – oh there they are, yeah, smile and wave, just open the door already – to their spot and I’m heading home. He’s squirmy, I’ll have to drive fast. She’s hungry
“Where to folks?”
The One Squirming in a Suit
“221st and Baker, please.”
Is it rude to ask the driver to speed? They still get a ticket if the passenger is pushy. I should have just snuck away during dinner. First date of nightmares. Who orders three dry martinis before the appetizers even arrive? I’ve made mistakes this evening, big mistakes. Can I ask him to avoid particularly bumpy roads?
Laugh, joke, share stories. Distract yourself, man, you’ve survived worse. Oh golly. Now I’m thinking of ‘worse’. Stop this. Puppies. Think of puppies.
The theater is so far away. What the heck is “Wolcott, Jr.” about anyway? Knock-Off Broadway had better be funny. Tim from accounting and I have never discussed theater before. Why would I take his recommendation for a show to see? I don’t even know how he feels about Cats. If I’m going to a show recommended by someone who liked Cats this date was over a long time ago.
Hey, look at that, I’m distracted. Go me.
Aaaaand I’m not longer distracted.
The One Who’s Hungry
“We’re going to the Amigo Theater if you would drop us near that, please.”
Oh my gosh. Or you could drop us off at a Five Guys. Three scallops, no matter how seared or buttered, do not make a meal. Arugula should be a crime. Star-a-ving. And $70? That’s highway robbery. Well…sea way robbery? He’d be hungry too if those martinis weren’t running through him right now. Gin and tilapia must make for a real good combo.
There goes a Taco Bell. Good bye chalupa dreams. Fare the well fire sauce.
Why are these street lamps so dim around here?
Whoop, time to laugh. Hardee har har. I have a weird laugh. And an empty stomach. Jimminy crickets this is going to be a long night.
The One Still Driving
“We’re here folks. Just push the button on the app, I’m paid and you can go get a burger and a restroom break.”
Sure, look at me like I’ve never driven people around before. People need to learn to talk, I tell you. Of course I’m only thinking this for fear of actually having a conversation. Huh. What a weird night.
Buzz of the phone means I’m paid though.
“Have a great night, folks! Enjoy the show.”