The Reboots We Need

I’ve been spending a lot of time with television reboots lately.  Now I want to see everything remade for today’s entertainment climate!  Here’s what I’m thinking.

Maniacal laugh….maniacal laugh!

The Beverly Hillbillies – Instead of striking oil, the Jed develops a way to make perfect fake passports.  Crime drama ala Breaking Bad, but with more banjo and fewer teeth.

Night Court – A faux documentary Parks and Recreation style.  Otherwise pretty much the exact same show.

Petticoat Junction – A family drama about a dying hotel in the Rust Belt. Think Gilmore Girls  with a stressed out widow raising three daughters with the help of her goofy brother.  Lots of love interests, mock-tails, and every episode features someone asking what a petticoat is.

Cheers – Still takes place in a bar, but the bartender is now a mixologist and the beer is brewed in the back of the pub.

Doogie Howser, MD – Doogie develops a social networking app for dog walkers at age 12 that takes off.  The MD tag is ironic.

Bewitched – Now a buddy cop show where Samantha is always one step ahead of her partner, Darrin. They are detectives who dance around an obvious romantic interest for three seasons before getting together.  Their town has an oddly high murder rate.

Gilligan’s Island – Characters change from season to season, but the cast remains the same.  Each season, the characters encounter new stories and events on an island full of horrors and intrigue.  Five seasons in Lady Gaga shows up and the fan base divides despite the quality of the show growing by leaps and bounds.  Coconut radios remain.

Mad About You – Paul and Jaime are urban homesteaders blogging their way through life’s struggles; marriage, politics and vegetarianism.  Their apartment building is full of folks that keep bees, a guy with a parrot who sings ‘Purple Rain’ on demand, a mystery novel writer with an unexplained eye patch and a unicycle rider.

Bonanza – Following the death of family patriarch Ben Cartwright, his three sons call upon their own allies to lay claim to the Ponderosa Ranch and the region’s silver deposit.  Before long, the whole of the wild west is embroiled in a land war full of alliances, betrayals, torrid affairs, violent deaths, and politics.  Plots get stretched out and side stories are moved to the forefront.  The whole thing could easily be stretched to 14 seasons at 10 episodes a year, but by the end none of the characters the fans liked at the beginning would be alive.




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