How to Have a Conversation with Your Fellow Parent in the Presence of Children

Step 1: Introduce the idea of conversing with your parenting partner as so

Parent: “Parenting partner, I have some information to share with you!  Due to our mutual love of the topic, I think it will add to our bond.”

Step 2: Allow for the child to interrupt with their own addition to the conversation.

Child: “Parenting figures! I have a tangential, but slightly similar thought on the one or two key words I heard you say just moments ago!”

Step 3: Acknowledge the child’s addition

Parent: “Yes, that is on the perimeter of our subject, but I would appreciate discussing the actual topic with your other parenting figure as adults.”

Step 4: Listen to the child add on one more topic

Child: “Okay, sure, but now let me introduce a topic that has no relevance but you’ll want to address right away!”

Step 5: Try not addressing the new topic right away, fail.

Parent: “No, Han shot first and that is that.  Now, I will discuss the original topic with your other parenting figure.

Step 6: Continue from the topic introduction in Step One

Parent: “As I was saying, there’s a new piece of information on a shared interest that will be quite interesting to you,”

Step 7: Pause, the child will introduce a statement most bizarre at this juncture

Child: “I am saying a combination of words that will both amuse and befuddle you!”

Step 8: Request the child find another activity for the moment

Parent:”Buckaroo, why don’t you find a nice book or other activity for the moment?”

Step 9: Repeat your intention to speak on a certain topic, but pause after the first four words.

Parent: “Parenting partner, I have…”

Step 10: Wait for another loud interjection into your statement.  This may come as another topic from the child, a loud trumpet blare, a sudden crashing sound, monkey knife fight, Toyota Prius wheels ever so slightly accelerating down the driveway, one word repeated over and over again or any one of a literal infinite number of possibilities the child has at their disposal to again take charge of the conversation.

Step 11: Say the initial four words once more.  Wait again.

Step 12: If no noise has interrupted you, check on the health and safety of your child.  They are either damaged or causing damage.

Step 13: Following the check, finish your topic introduction statement once more.  Include the first four words again.

Parent: “Parenting partner, I have some information to share with you!  Due to our mutual love of the topic, I think it will add to our bond.”

Step 14: Wait for the parenting partner to respond

Parenting Partner: “Do please tell me more of this subject as it both interests me and I want to share in your excitement for the news!”

Step 15: Share the news! The conversation is now yours until the child decides to add to it once again.  Repeat steps as needed.



Thanks for reading!


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