Fan Theory

Three friends sat around a cafeteria table.  Plates covered in ‘from frozen’ dining hall delicacies, the room humming with the sound of conversation, all felt like a fairly normal Tuesday lunch.  Then Quincy leaned forward with elbows on the table and an all too familiar look on his face.

Hali and Ceasar sighed in unison and prepared for what was to come.

“You guys know how that theory of Winnie the Pooh?  The one where all the creatures exist within Christopher’s mind and symbolize different portions of his psyche?  Like the donkey thing is depression, Roo is childlike wonder, Rabbit is anxiety, Piglet is…hunger or something?” Quincy introduced the conversation.

“I’m familiar, yes,” Hali said.  She put her fork on her plastic tray next to something that was supposed to be sesame chicken.

“I have a new take on that.  You see, I think Winnie the Pooh exists as an Animal Farm sequel.  The animals are all real and sentient and living in a post-human world.  But! And this is the kicker; they created Christopher Robin to stand in as a religious or governing figure.  In the power vacuum that erupted after humanity fell, no clear leadership emerged and they all live in some sort of sparsely populated post-apocalyptic wasteland and in their desperation they created a new figure to guide their actions.  Shared hallucination as governance!  I have data if you’d like it,” Quincy started to reach for his back-pack.

“No, no, I don’t think that is necessary,” Hali moved quickly to stop any further explanation.

Ceasarpushed his tray of food away from him and lowered his head.  “You know what my geology class friends talk about? Rocks.  And how to blow up rocks.  You know Winnie the Pooh predates Animal Farm, right? By like a lot.  I swear sometimes….” Ceasar started to trail off,  “film school, I swear.”  He walked away from the table.

Hali reached over the table to grab Quincy’s hand, “Q, please don’t put this on Reddit.  You remember the last time? I just don’t want you to suffer that many downvotes again.  Please.  Some ideas do not need to be shared, ok? You know that right?”

“I guess it wasn’t that well developed.  I can start hashing out ‘Predator as commentary on Citizens United’ now!” Quincy said with such glee Hali did not have the heart to tell him the fatal flaw in the theory.


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