Big goals for 2016, so here’s what I will be looking for when shopping for a castle:
Lava pits everywhere.
Tapestry art depicting the events of the movie Love Actually
A chess set carved from cherry wood and shaped as the cast of Survivor Season 1. Snakes and Rats as pawns, of course.
Turtles everywhere. Especially near the lava pits.
A moat full of goats instead of water. So I can say, “Goat Moat” all day long.
A portcullis that can be raised and lowered by jumping on a flagpole.
Winding stair cases all over the place, each has its own Slinky at the top. How it gets back up, I do not care to know, but there will always be a Slinky at the ready.
Solar and wind power sources, I’m no Medieval monster.
One guy prancing around playing a lute. If you catch him he’ll give out little coins; Lute Loot.
Good schools in the area.
Some sort of anti-vampire precaution. I don’t know much about castles, but if movies and books have taught me anything they are just lousy with vampires.
Organic boiling tar
Matching his and her thrones
An unfinished dungeon space so I can still make the place my own, you know?
Ramparts with Woody Harrelson’s face etched into them.
Now off to Zillow!
Thanks for reading. Happy New Year!