A List of Absolutely No Importance

I want these movies to exist:

(movie trailer voice) Off the shores of British Columbia, Julia is having the best Semester at Sea ever.  But nothing could prepare them for bees!
Coming this February get ready to go back to school in Eh Bee Seas.

(movie trailer voice) He dared start a land war in Asia, 800 years before it was cool.  Buried for nearly a millennium, learning our ways and rebuilding himself to be bigger, stronger and better than.  He’s back and looking for an empire.  Beware MECHA-GENGHIS KHAN. This November, don’t Horde all the popcorn.

(that one was a long way to go for a Horde pun)

(move trailer voice) Steve is a regular guy.  Mikaela a regular girl.   In this riveting two hour documentary, watch these two young adults learn how to make food at home, schedule their own doctor appointments and figure out how to properly complete a W2.  Coming to Netflix soon, “Real Life is Incredibly Boring 99% of the Time.  You Will Figure it Out, Here’s a Guide.”  From Michael Bay.

(movie trailer voice) Terror has come to mornings.  Dracafe’ the Decaf Vampire.  This fall on TNT.

(movie trailer voice) Two geese on the road trip of their lives.  One terrible secret to bind them together forever.  This summer, Honk Twice for Murder.

(goofy movie trailer voice) Paul Revere is the roommate with a place for everything, and John Hancock just wants to party! Will this odd couple revolutionize cohabitation? Or will they tread all over each other’s space?  Watch “Sign This!” One if by land and two if by sea indeed!

(movie trailer voice) He’s an honest cop just trying to make a difference through a very specific community outreach program involving bringing fancy coffee to community centers through the city.  Coming to Nick-at-Nite, Cop-a-Joe   (and the title sequence is Carl Winslow just tipping coffee mugs toward people, it would be perfection).

Waiting on the kid to go to sleep has never been this much fun.

Good night! Happy weekend everybody!

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