Today’s situation: Driving a country road, mid day, fields of wild grass to your left and right, you drive by what you are fairly certain is a moose being ridden by a gremlin.
Character elements: Pretty sure you forgot to brush your teeth this morning, there’s a book about Benjamin Franklin in your passenger seat, you once spent thirty minutes reading a Wikipedia article on nickels.
Well, in that highly unlikely situation…
I really need to stop singing Chumbawumba on these long solo car rides. That song needs to get knock down out of my head again. Ha, fake lyrics. At least the highway is empty. Two in the afternoon and miles away from civilization is apparently good for traffic.
Of course if I roll off the side of the road I will be eaten by the cows that are currently chewing their way across the state. Reverse cheeseburger. What a way to go. If the car dies at least I get to read about ol’ Bennie F. Ben Franklin. Speaking only to myself and I am embarrassed by saying Bennie F.
Hemingway’s thumbs; what in the world was that?!
I’ll just pull over to the shoulder that is actually just where the paving crew opted to stop working. It’s not even gravel here, just black and yellow road flowers and grass.
That’s a moose for sure. Big ol’ antlers. Do moose have antlers? Horns? What is the difference? I really need to read important stuff rather than spend half a friggin’ hour on Wikipedia reading about nickels. Yes, Archibald Louden Snowden is both an amazing Bond villain name and would make a perfect name for a pet iguana, but why do I have that committed to memory now?
Ok, pull it together. We’ve identified the moose as being a moose. It smells bad even from here. It smells worse than my unbrushed teeth. Thank goodness I am in the middle of nowhere, signing Chumbawumba no less. No one hears of this day. Ever.
The sun is at just the perfect angle and since I do not recognize the might of sunglasses, the shape is a bit hard to make out, but I am nearly certain an armored gremlin is riding this majestic beast to battle.
Green skin, leather covering, small circular shield and a spear; this is some Tolkien stuff right here. Tolkien did not write about gremlins. Is this more of a Twilight Zone thing? Is the gremlin actually on the wing of a plane? My god something’s on the wing!
I have to keep it down or the pair will hear me. They must have seen me drive by. Nothing too threatening about a Ford Focus though, so my passage was granted out of pity. They saw no worthy fight in me. Why am I so mean to myself when I panic? This is crazy.
Oh no. Oh no. They’re coming this way. How fast can a moose run? How fast can a moose run if it receives a battle cry buff from a gremlin? I have to get in the car and stop playing fantasy RTS games. Real life changer of an afternoon here.
Go little Focus! Go!
In this situation, sunglasses would have stopped plenty of confusion.